


New Friend Request

by txbris



Category: Persona 5
Genre: F/F, Hijinks & Shenanigans, I pick up canon and slam dunk it into a net, I retell the entire story of P5R through chatfic, M/M, Multi, Persona 5 Spoilers, Polythieves (Persona 5), Shujin AU, chatfic, no beta we die like Glenn Fireemblem, persona 5 royal spoilers, the polycule just keeps expanding, they're still the Phantom Thieves they just all attend Shujin
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-01
Updated: 2020-12-23
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:49:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 19,406
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26197393
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/txbris/pseuds/txbris
Summary: Goro:You.Goro:Are.Goro:Insufferable.>Akira made a move in Cup Pong!Alternatively: A retelling of P5R in chatfic form, where all the Thieves attend Shujin Academy.
Relationships: Akechi Goro/Kurusu Akira, Kurusu Akira/Mishima Yuuki, Kurusu Akira/Phantom Thieves of Hearts, Phantom Thieves of Hearts/Mishima Yuuki, Phantom Thieves of Hearts/Phantom Thieves of Hearts, Phantom Thieves of Hearts/Suzui Shiho, Suzui Shiho/Takamaki Ann
Comments: 155
Kudos: 611





	1. Bros will be bros

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Blomvonar](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blomvonar/gifts).



> Quinn tarotmasks/blomvonar commissioned "chaotic shujin au (where futuba, yusuke and goro go to shujin) with polythieves, and preferably including chatfic elements because youre amazing at those" so I went wild.
> 
> I just want to say: HOW AM I THE FIRST PERSON TO WRITE MISHIMA/THE PTS. HOW.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Ryuji:** you did not see me uwu
> 
>  **Akira:** I saw you uwu
> 
>  **Ryuji:** u cant prove it
> 
>  **Akira:** "uwu" - Ryuji, April 20XX
> 
>  **Ryuji:** shit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heads up: TWs for this chapter include the general TWs associated with Kamoshida's route, including abuse, but they're significantly less explicit and I have moved canon to keep Shiho safe.

**> New friend request received from: Ryuji Sakamoto**

**> You accepted the friend request!**

**> You have eight unread messages.**

* * *

**Ryuji Sakamoto**

**> 3:17pm: Ryuji started a new chat thread.**

**Ryuji:** hey dude its ryuji

 **Ryuji:** the blonde dude from earlier

 **Ryuji:** we went to kamoshidas castle nd shit together

 **Ryuji:** idk if u know any other ryujis

 **Ryuji:** but hey its me man

 **Ryuji:** just addin u 2 say hi

 **Ryuji:** nd we gotta do somethin about kamoshida

 **Ryuji:** im thinkin we talk 2 mishima first

 **Akira:** Okay

 **Akira:** Which one's Mishima

 **Ryuji:** blue hair

 **Ryuji:** covered in bandages

 **Akira:** Got it

 **Akira:** Should we question him at lunch tomorrow?

 **Ryuji:** uhhhh

 **Ryuji:** listen i aint the smartest dude but

 **Ryuji:** i feel its better if we give the dude a lil space

 **Ryuji:** like if kamoshidas rly doin all that shit to em

 **Ryuji:** us cornerin him will just make him feel worse

 **Ryuji:** yknow

 **Akira:** Hang on I have to take my phone off vibrate

 **Akira:** Okay I'm good

 **Akira:** Also good idea

 **Akira:** Let's give him cake and ask him on a date

 **Ryuji:** uhhh

 **Ryuji:** bro

 **Ryuji:** ur kinda swingin too far in the other direction there

 **Akira:** No no trust me here

 **Akira:** We can be good cop and bad cop except we're both good and neither of us are cops

 **Ryuji:** i like ur tone bro

 **Ryuji:** catch u tomorrow at lunch?

 **Akira:** You got it

 **Ryuji:** thanks man

 **Ryuji:** means a lot

 **Ryuji:** also seein u in that castle with that persona thing........

 **Ryuji:** pretty bonkin bro

 **Akira:** Bonkin?

 **Ryuji:** u know

 **Ryuji:** cool nd shit

 **Ryuji:** it looked rly cool

 **Ryuji:** ok i have to go now

 **Ryuji:** see u man

 **Akira:** See you tomorrow, Ryuji

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**> New friend request received from: Yuuki Mishima**

**> You accepted the friend request!**

**> You have five unread messages.**

* * *

** Yuuki Mishima **

**> 1:09pm: Mishima started a new chat thread.**

**Mishima:** Hey, Akira, it's Mishima :)

 **Mishima:** I just want to say thank you for lunch!!

 **Mishima:** Nobody's been that nice to me for a long time now.

 **Mishima:** Oh my god that was such an un-cool thing for me to say

 **Mishima:** Please forget I said that!!

 **Akira:** It has been screenshotted and I'm printing it out and framing it for posterity

 **Mishima:** Nooooo!!

 **Mishima:** Are you this mean to everyone? :(

 **Akira:** Only the cute ones

 **Mishima:** Uh.

 **Mishima:** Okay??

 **Akira:** Wink

 **Akira:** Anyway I know I said it about twenty times at lunch but like

 **Akira:** If there's anything bothering you

 **Akira:** I'm here for you

 **Akira:** I can probably sort it

 **Akira:** I have a criminal record proving how good I am at sorting things

 **Mishima:** Wouldn't having a criminal record prove how bad you are at sorting things, because you got caught??

 **Akira:** But I only got caught once

 **Mishima:** I don't think that counts??

 **Akira:** Listen I'm a great listener okay

 **Akira:** So if you wanna talk

 **Akira:** Also we know about Kamoshida

 **Mishima:** So that's what this is about.

 **Mishima:** Everyone else knows too.

 **Mishima:** The adults just think that it's fine as long as the volleyball team does well.

 **Akira:** Well that's fucked up

 **Akira:** Alright

 **Akira:** I'm going to go kick Kamoshida's ass

 **Mishima:** !!

 **Mishima:** No!!

 **Mishima:** You're in enough trouble as it is!!

 **Akira:** What are they gonna do

 **Akira:** Transfer me to another school?

 **Mishima:** Yes??

 **Akira:** Okay good point

 **Akira:** Let me think of a plan B

 **Akira:** And if I can't, I'm kicking Kamoshida's ass

 **Mishima:** Akira, I appreciate your attempts to help, but even the faculty are in on it.

 **Mishima:** I don't know what you could do to help.

 **Akira:** Don't worry, Mishima

 **Akira:** I'm gonna get you guys out of this

 **Akira:** One way or another

 **Mishima:** Just don't do anything illegal!!

 **Akira:** I make absolutely no promises

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**Ryuji Sakamoto**

**> 9:03am: Akira started a new chat thread.**

**Akira:** Hey, are we gonna go back to that castle and work out what's going on with Kamoshida later?

 **Ryuji:** im in bro

 **Ryuji:** do it 4 the volleyball team

 **Akira:** I can't believe that the faculty at Shujin would just turn a blind eye to it

 **Ryuji:** well theyre all like

 **Ryuji:** ooh if the volleyball team does good then what does it matter~ uwu

 **Ryuji:** you did not see me uwu

 **Akira:** I saw you uwu

 **Ryuji:** u cant prove it

 **Akira:** "uwu" - Ryuji, April 20XX

 **Ryuji:** shit

 **Akira:** Caught you red handed

 **Ryuji:** bro

 **Ryuji:** u betrayin me?

 **Akira:** The ones you love the most betray you the hardest

 **Ryuji:** alright ya peotic bastard

 **Akira:** Peotic

 **Ryuji:** POETIC

 **Akira:** "peotic" - Ryuji, April 20XX

 **Ryuji:** im blockin u bro

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**> New friend request received from: Shiho Suzui**

**> You accepted the friend request!**

**> You have one unread message.**

* * *

**Shiho Suzui**

**> 2:20pm: Shiho started a new chat thread.**

**Shiho:** Hi, Akira, I'm sorry - I know we haven't spoken before, I just wanted to say: don't let it get to you.

 **Akira:** Don't worry Shiho

 **Akira:** I won't

 **Shiho:** ^_^

 **Shiho:** I'm sorry again for asking so much of you but could you do me a favour, Akira?

 **Akira:** Sure

 **Shiho:** Could you keep an eye on Ann for me?

 **Shiho:** Ann Takamaki. She sits in front of you in class. The one with the two blonde twintails. ^_^

 **Akira:** Of course

 **Akira:** Are you going somewhere?

 **Shiho:** Oh, no, don't worry! ^_^

 **Shiho:** I just worry about Ann.

 **Akira:** I'll keep an eye on her

 **Akira:** Don't you worry

 **Shiho:** Thank you! ^_^

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**> New friend request received from: Ann Takamaki**

**> You accepted the friend request!**

**> You have one unread message.**

* * *

** Ann Takamaki **

**> 6:19pm: Ann started a new chat thread.**

**Ann:** ?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

 **Akira:** Oh worm, as the young kids say

 **Ann:** I'm still trying to process exactly what like, happened?!

 **Akira:** Well it all started when I was born

 **Ann:** Not with you!

 **Ann:** With that Palace? And that weird cat? And my Persona...

 **Ann:** And Kamoshida?!

 **Ann:** And uh, me in like, a bikini?

 **Akira:** Your speech about taking everything away from Kamoshida was extremely cool

 **Akira:** Ryuji has asked me to say "fuckin incredible"

 **Akira:** "Make sure you take off the G in fuckin bro"

 **Ann:** 😳😳😳

 **Akira:** Welcome to the team

 **Akira:** We don't have a name we're just kind of winging this

 **Ann:** ksjdlfs I could tell 😂

 **Ann:** I'm just glad that we found Shiho in time...

 **Ann:** How didn't I know that she was suffering?!

 **Akira:** People are really good at suffering in silence

 **Akira:** Like really good

 **Akira:** I had this goldfish once and it just exploded one day

 **Ann:** ...

 **Akira:** Okay so that might just be a different scenario but you get my point

 **Akira:** Sometimes people just keep stuff inside them until they explode

 **Akira:** That stuff might be emotions or troubles and that stuff might be mysterious goldfish exploding disease

 **Ann:** ...

 **Ann:** Are you SURE that you're like, a delinquent?

 **Akira:** Haven't been the same since Ol' Goldy died

 **Akira:** Sent me down a path of property destruction and larsony

 **Akira:** Which is arson and larceny

 **Ann:** KLDJFKLSDF

 **Ann:** 😂😂😂

 **Akira:** Seriously though, I'm glad we got to Shiho in time

 **Akira:** Please send her my love

 **Ann:** I will! 💖

 **Ann:** Oh my god I am suddenly like, absolutely exhausted 😓

 **Akira:** Yeah going through a traumatic event and also awakening to a Persona will do that to you

 **Akira:** Take a nap and drink something with electrolytes in it

 **Akira:** You'll feel better tomorrow

 **Ann:** skljdfslkdf

 **Ann:** You got it, boss!

 **Ann:** And thank you. 💖

 **Akira:** Anytime

 **Akira:** I mean like I hope this never happens ever again but also if it does: I'm here

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**Ryuji Sakamoto, Ann Takamaki**

**> 7:30am: Ann started a new chat thread.**

**Ann:** Hello~! 💖

 **Ryuji:** the fuck

 **Ryuji:** whos awake at 730am on a sunday

 **Ann:** You?

 **Ryuji:** only bcos i cant sleep

 **Ann:** ... That still means that you're like, awake, Ryuji.

 **Ryuji:** ur point bein

 **Ann:** Go to bed, Ryuji.

 **Ryuji:** no

 **Ryuji:** in fact im gonna go for a run instead

 **Ryuji:** @ _Akira_ where do u live bro

 **Akira:** In your hearts

 **Akira:** Also do you know of the coffee shop Leblanc in Yongen-Jaya

 **Ryuji:** nope!

 **Akira:** Oh

 **Akira:** Well, I live in the attic there

 **Ann:** Ooooh I know where that is~!

 **Ann:** Shiho and I used to go there for coffee dates at the weekend~ 💖☕

 **Ryuji:** bro r u livin there legally

 **Ryuji:** or have u just broken into someones attic

 **Akira:** I climbed up the drainpipe

 **Ann:** Somehow, that doesn't answer the question 😐

 **Akira:** I am a mystery wrapped in an enigma stuffed with spinach

 **Ann:** 😐

 **Ann:** ANYWAAAAAY

 **Ann:** Good job on that rooftop hideout, guys~!

 **Ryuji:** we only gotta worry about narcoto or narckechi comin after us

 **Akira:** Who

 **Ann:** He means Niijima-san and Akechi-kun

 **Akira:** Who

 **Ann:** Makoto Niijima and Goro Akechi?

 **Ann:** Like, our student council presidents?

 **Ann:** Akechi is literally famous for being an ace detective? 😅

 **Akira:** Please remember that I've only been going to Shujin for like two weeks

 **Akira:** I don't even know which classroom we're actually in

 **Ryuji:** bro

 **Ann:** Hey, Akira, why don't you like, tell us about you~?

 **Akira:** Well, I'm Akira, and I like piña coladas and getting caught in the rain, and I'm not into yoga and I have half a brain

 **Ann:** Oh no.

 **Ryuji:** IF U LIKE MAKIN LOVE AT MIDNIGHT IN THE DUNES OF THE CAPE

 **Akira:** THEN I'M THE LOVE THAT YOU'VE LOOKED FOR!!!!

 **Ryuji:** WRITE 2 ME ND ESCAPE BRO!!!!!

 **Akira:** WRITE TO ME AND ESCAPE!!!

 **Ann:** Well, you two are like, perfect for each other 😂

 **Ann:** I now pronounce you bro and bro~! 💖

 **Ryuji:** i lov u bro

 **Akira:** You've only known me for two weeks bro

 **Ryuji:** yea thats why ur only gettin "lov" nd not "love"

 **Akira:** Oh

 **Akira:** So I only get 75% of your love

 **Ryuji:** yea

 **Akira:** Fair enough, I don't even know your star sign

 **Ann:** Sooooo liiiiike,

 **Ann:** Do we have a plan for dealing with Kamoshida?

 **Ryuji:** kick him in the balls bro

 **Akira:** What Ryuji said

 **Ann:** And do we have a plan for after that?

 **Ann:** Didn't Morgana say something about cognition and treasure?

 **Akira:** I'd ask him but I fed him some chocolate and now he's not moving

 **Akira:** Oh no

 **Akira:** It's Ol' Goldy all over again

 **Akira:** Well time to steal some stuff and set it on fire

 **Ryuji:** what

 **Ann:** Just like, go with it.

 **Akira:** Here lies Morgana

 **Akira:** I didn't know him very well

 **Akira:** But at least he lived a good few days

 **Ryuji:** bro have u killed your cat

 **Akira:** I refuse to answer that without a lawyer present

 **Ann:** 😐

 **Ryuji:** bro

 **Akira:** IT'S FINE HE WAS JUST SLEEPING

 **Akira:** Oh he says we should meet up and talk about it

 **Akira:** He says plans like these should only be made over the finest sushi

 **Akira:** I'm starting to think he might be using me for fine dining

 **Ann:** I'm down for sushi~! 🤤🍣

 **Ryuji:** ill eat anythin as long as i aint payin

 **Akira:** I have 2,000 yen and a week old sandwich

 **Ryuji:** ill take the sandwich

 **Ann:** We can at least get some ice-cream with that~! 🍦

 **Ryuji:** ill take the icecream

 **Ann:** You still owe me for that dolphin!

 **Ryuji:** that was years ago!

 **Ann:** And I remember it!

 **Ryuji:** IT WAS LIKE 200 YEN BRO

 **Ryuji:** I DONT HAVE 200 YEN

 **Akira:** Is that because you spend it all on hair bleach?

 **Ryuji:** SHUDDUP

 **Akira:** I like the bleach blonde look

 **Akira:** It's sexy

 **Ryuji:** bro

 **Ann:** Uhhh.

 **Ryuji:** thank u bro

 **Ryuji:** love u

 **Akira:** I GOT ALL FOUR LETTERS IN LOVE

 **Ryuji:** were bros now bro

 **Ann:** Am I like, interrupting something?

 **Akira:** Yeah now's the time I confess to Ryuji that I've been in love with him for years

 **Ann:** Despite knowing him for only two weeks? 😅

 **Akira:** Time moves differently when you're in love

 **Ryuji:** i feel like ive known u forever bro

 **Ryuji:** i bet ur fave colour is blue

 **Akira:** It's red

 **Ryuji:** CLOSE ENOUGH BRO

 **Ann:** ?!?!?!?!

 **Akira:** I bet yours is yellow

 **Ryuji:** FUCK YEAH IT IS BRO!!!!!!!

 **Akira:** YEAH!!!!!!!

 **Ann:** Boys will be boys, I guess.

 **Akira:** Bros will be bros

 **Ryuji:** bro

 **Akira:** Bro

 **Ann:** 🤮

 **Ann:** ANYWAY

 **Ann:** Shall we meet up for lunch, then?

 **Ann:** Ooooh we could get coffee and cake~!

 **Ryuji:** as long as im not payin

 **Akira:** I'll cover for you my sweet bro

 **Ryuji:** i always wanted 2 be a trophy husband

 **Akira:** You are the trophiest of husbands

 **Akira:** My brophy husband

 **Ryuji:** just 4 u bro

 **Ann:** GUYS

 **Akira:** Yeah?

 **Ann:** 12PM

 **Ann:** SHIBUYA SQUARE

 **Ann:** BE THERE

 **Ann:** AND BRING MORGANA!

**> The chat thread was closed.**


	2. Premarital Cup Pong

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Goro:** I know that you're up to something.
> 
>  **Akira:** Fine
> 
>  **Akira:** You caught me
> 
>  **Akira:** I'm the one who's been shaking the vending machines in the school lobby to try and get free sodas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spending time in Akira's presence gives you -20 WISDOM but +20 AFFECTION.

**> New friend request received from: Goro Akechi**

**> You accepted the friend request!**

**> You have one unread message.**

* * *

**Goro Akechi**

**> 1:05pm: Goro started a new chat thread.**

**Goro:** I know that you're up to something.

 **Akira:** Fine

 **Akira:** You caught me

 **Akira:** I'm the one who's been shaking the vending machines in the school lobby to try and get free sodas

 **Goro:** That is not what I was talking about.

 **Goro:** But that is a health and safety concern.

 **Goro:** Please refrain from doing that in the future.

 **Akira:** No

 **Goro:** Please?

 **Akira:** Maybe

 **Goro:** That is good enough.

 **Akira:** You're welcome

 **Goro:** I would hate to see you expelled for doing something against school rules.

 **Akira:** Let's do it baby I know the law

 **Goro:** Your criminal record indicates that you do not know the law.

 **Akira:** No no I do

 **Akira:** I know exactly which laws to break

 **Akira:** Such as the law of being too sexy

 **Goro:** Please refrain from making such comments to the student council president.

 **Akira:** I'll be sure to not tell Makoto how good she looks today

 **Goro:** You know what I mean, Kurusu-kun.

 **Akira:** 😘

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**Ryuji Sakamoto, Ann Takamaki**

**> 1:23pm: Akira started a new chat thread.**

**Akira:** Guess who just got threatened by the student council president

 **Ryuji:** mishima

 **Akira:** No

 **Ryuji:** ann

 **Akira:** No

 **Ryuji:** the person who leads the newspaper club

 **Akira:** No?

 **Ryuji:** morgana

 **Akira:** Why would Goro Akechi threaten my cat

 **Ryuji:** me

 **Akira:** ???

 **Ann:** Ryuji.

 **Ryuji:** nah dude we just ruled me out

 **Ann:** No, I was telling you to like, stop.

 **Ryuji:** oh

 **Ryuji:** </3

 **Ann:** Anywaaaaaay, why was Akechi-kun threatening you?!

 **Akira:** I don't actually know

 **Akira:** I think he thinks we're up to something

 **Ryuji:** for real bro?

 **Ann:** Well we KINDA are 😖

 **Akira:** Yeah but how would he know about it?

 **Ryuji:** somethin smells fishy

 **Ryuji:** and it aint morganas sushi

 **Akira:** Oh no it's probably that

 **Akira:** It's been in my bag for like three days

 **Akira:** I am a walking biohazard

 **Ryuji:** bro

 **Ann:** IS THAT WHAT SMELLS SO BAD?!

 **Ann:** GET RID OF IT 🤮

 **Akira:** Morgana says he's ageing it for flavour

 **Ann:** EWWWWWWW

 **Ryuji:** no bro

 **Ryuji:** no

 **Akira:** Fine

 **Akira:** I'll put my entire bag in the bin

 **Akira:** Bye bye Morgana

 **Ryuji:** he will be missed

 **Ann:** Sooooooo

 **Ann:** Mona-murder aside,

 **Ann:** Are we heading back into Kamoshida's Palace later?

 **Akira:** Yes

 **Ryuji:** whens our deadline again

 **Akira:** I have no idea

 **Ann:** 😭😭😭

 **Akira:** I'd ask Morgana but he's in the bin

 **Ann:** KJSHDF YOU DIDN'T REALLY PUT MONA IN THE BIN DID YOU

 **Akira:** I refuse to answer that without my lawyer present

 **Ryuji:** bro

 **Akira:** He'll be fine he's a cat

 **Ryuji:** ur lawyers a cat?

 **Akira:** AYYYYYYY

 **Ryuji:** AYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

 **Ann:** You two are ageing me prematurely 😩

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**Ryuji Sakamoto, Yuuki Mishima**

**> 3:03pm: Akira started a new chat thread.**

**Akira:** Okay so

 **Akira:** We might get expelled

 **Ryuji:** sorry bros

 **Ryuji:** i kinda got heated in the moment

 **Mishima:** It's okay, Ryuji!!

 **Ryuji:** for real?

 **Mishima:** Well, getting expelled would ruin my chances of going to a good college, but at least I'd be away from Kamoshida!!

 **Ryuji:** dude

 **Akira:** Okay now we're definitely going to get rid of Kamoshida one way or another

 **Akira:** Let's just wail on him with a folding chair

 **Mishima:** I don't think that's a good idea!!

 **Akira:** You're right

 **Akira:** A non-folding chair

 **Mishima:** Akira!!

 **Akira:** Yes

 **Mishima:** No wailing on anyone with a folding chair!!

 **Mishima:** It would just make us as bad as he is!!

 **Ryuji:** nah bro its like

 **Ryuji:** whats that thing that smart dude said

 **Ryuji:** like equal energy somethin somethin

 **Akira:** Every action must have an equal and opposite reaction?

 **Ryuji:** yea somethin like that

 **Ryuji:** so if kamoshidas hittin the team

 **Ryuji:** we gotta hit him hard 4 the team

 **Mishima:** ...

 **Mishima:** I guess that the logic's there??

 **Akira:** Excellent

 **Akira:** Let us fetch our chairs and begin the wailing upon

 **Mishima:** No!!

 **Akira:** Fine

 **Akira:** Let's do this democratically

 **Akira:** All in favour of wailing on Kamoshida, say aye

 **Ryuji:** aye bro

 **Akira:** Aye

 **Mishima:** No!!

 **Akira:** It's 2 against 1

 **Akira:** The motion carries

 **Mishima:** Kurusu-kun!!

 **Ryuji:** oh bro hes usin ur last name

 **Akira:** Okay fine we won't fight fire with fire

 **Akira:** Or fire with chairs?

 **Akira:** We'll work something out

 **Mishima:** Thank you!!

 **Akira:** You're welcome

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**Goro Akechi**

**> 8:26pm: Akira started a new chat thread.**

**> Akira invited Goro to play Cup Pong!**

* * *

**Ryuji Sakamoto, Ann Takamaki**

**> 8:33pm: Akira started a new chat thread.**

**Akira:** Good work today

 **Akira:** Fellow young kids

 **Ryuji:** we did aight

 **Ann:** I think we work well as a team~!

 **Ann:** It's nice to have you around, Akira~ 💖

 **Akira:** Awww

 **Akira:** It almost makes the criminal record worth it

 **Ryuji:** bro u gotta tell us about that

 **Ryuji:** what did u do

 **Akira:** Take a guess

 **Ann:** Identity theft! 🛂

 **Ryuji:** stole candy from a baby

 **Ann:** Bank robbery! 💰

 **Ryuji:** broke into the aquarium nd stole a fish

 **Ann:** Arson! 🔥

 **Ryuji:** drank petrol straight outta the pump at the gas station

 **Ann:** Jaywalking! 🚶🏻

 **Ryuji:** clicked a thing sayin you were over 18 when ur not

 **Akira:** Okay so firstly,

 **Akira:** Is it even illegal to drink petrol straight out of the pump at the gas station?

 **Ryuji:** i have no idea bro

 **Ryuji:** i mean like

 **Ryuji:** if u paid for it who cares what ur doin with it

 **Ann:** I don't think it's illegal if you, like, pay for it, but I'm preeeetty sure drinking it would kill you? 😅

 **Akira:** I've decided to side with Ann on this one

 **Ryuji:** bro no

 **Ryuji:** it could be super tasty

 **Akira:** But it could shut down my kidneys

 **Ryuji:** whats life without a lil danger dude

 **Akira:** Significantly less stressful

 **Akira:** I am so stressed

 **Akira:** All the time

 **Ann:** Mood 😭

 **Akira:** Also the criminal record is because I tried to stop some bald fuck assaulting a woman

 **Akira:** And he was all like

 **Akira:** DAMN BRAT I'LL SUE

 **Ryuji:** wait bro wtf

 **Akira:** And then he did

 **Akira:** And now I'm here

 **Ryuji:** FOR REAL

 **Ann:** KSDJKF WHAT!

 **Ann:** THAT'S SO UNFAIR

 **Ryuji:** u literally did nothin wrong?

 **Ryuji:** unless u like stabbed him or some shit

 **Akira:** I think I just shoved him to stop him

 **Akira:** The adrenaline just took over

 **Ryuji:** ????????

 **Ryuji:** bro wtf

 **Ann:** THAT'S SO MESSED UP

 **Akira:** I mean I totally did a bunch of super cool backflips and stuff

 **Ryuji:** bro

 **Akira:** Okay fine I literally did nothing wrong but the guy was rich

 **Ryuji:** shitty adults doin shitty shit

 **Ryuji:** shitty ass fuckin shit fuckers shit fuck!!!!!!!

 **Ann:** I can't believe that...

 **Ann:** You tried to do the right thing and you were punished?!

 **Ann:** What kind of justice is that?!

 **Akira:** Well on the bright side

 **Akira:** I've got you two

 **Akira:** And Morgana

 **Akira:** And if we're successful in taking down Kamoshida, I'd say the criminal record was worth it

 **Ann:** Awwww, Akira! 💖

 **Ryuji:** love u bro

 **Ryuji:** we got ur back

 **Akira:** Please give it back, I need it to live

 **Ryuji:** u can totally live without a spine bro

 **Ann:** I think you need a spine to live?

 **Ann:** Like, that's where all the central nervous system is, right?

 **Ann:** So like, without a spine, you'd have no nerves and wouldn't be able to control your body?

 **Akira:** So if we took out the spine bones but kept all the nerves in

 **Akira:** I'd be super bendy but I could still control my bod

 **Ann:** KSJDFLD

 **Ann:** HOW WOULD YOU STAND UP STRAIGHT

 **Akira:** Sheer willpower

 **Ann:** WHERE WOULD YOUR RIBS LIKE, GO

 **Akira:** Connect them to the nerves

 **Ryuji:** bro

 **Ryuji:** ur makin me feel weird

 **Akira:** Your skeleton is becoming self-aware

 **Ryuji:** BRO

 **Ann:** JKFDJSKDFJSK

 **Ryuji:** ur a weird one bro

 **Akira:** And now you're stuck with me

 **Ryuji:** ur our weird one bro

 **Ann:** We can all be weird together~! 🤗

 **Akira:** I'd like that

 **Akira:** Alright I'm going to bed because I'm exhausted

 **Akira:** Sleep well, my weird friends

 **Ryuji:** goodnight bro and ann

 **Ann:** Goodnight, Akira and Ryuji~! 💖

 **Ann:** Ooooh, say goodnight to Morgana for me!!! 💖

 **Akira:** 👍🏻

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**Goro Akechi**

**> 11:54pm**

**> Goro made a move in Cup Pong!**

**> 8:32am**

**> Akira made a move in Cup Pong!**

**> Akira is in the lead!**

**> Goro made a move in Cup Pong!**

**> Akira made a move in Cup Pong!**

**> Goro made a move in Cup Pong!  
**

**> Goro is in the lead!**

**Akira:** :(

**> Akira made a move in Cup Pong!**

* * *

**Ryuji Sakamoto, Ann Takamaki**

**> 7:13pm: Akira started a new chat thread.**

**Akira:** How's that calling card coming along?

 **Ryuji:** BROOOOOOO

 **Ryuji:** I HAVE CREATED ART

 **Ann:** If I know Ryuji, and I know Ryuji, that means it's terrible 😂

 **Ryuji:** hey!!!

 **Ryuji:** it aint that bad!

**> Ryuji sent a photo.**

**Ann:** KSJDFKSDJF

 **Akira:** I mean

 **Akira:** It's certainly eye catching?

 **Ryuji:** bro

 **Ryuji:** </3

 **Akira:** Morgana says that it'll get the job done and that's what matters

 **Ryuji:** ur breakin my heart bro

 **Akira:** I'll come kiss it better bro

 **Ryuji:** ud better bro

 **Akira:** Literally on my way over to kiss it better bro

 **Ryuji:** do u even know where i live bro

 **Akira:** No idea bro

 **Ann:** 😂😂😂

 **Ann:** Can I get a kiss, too?

 **Ryuji:** this is a bros only kiss

 **Akira:** Ann's a bro bro

 **Ryuji:** ann IS a bro bro

 **Akira:** Kisses for both my bros when I next see you

 **Ryuji:** oh bro <3

 **Ann:** KLJDFGKDFG

 **Ann:** Thank youuuuu~ 💖💖💖

 **Akira:** Maybe we should save the kisses until after we've beaten Kamoshida, though

 **Ann:** But what about kisses for luck?

 **Ryuji:** yea bro kisses 4 luck

 **Ryuji:** nd celebration kisses

 **Ann:** Kisses just because~!

 **Ann:** Actually, if anything, we should kiss MORE before we take down Kamoshida because, like, we don't know what'll happen~?

 **Akira:** What I'm hearing is that I should invest in more chapstick

 **Ann:** I have chapstick you can borrow!

 **Akira:** I will kiss it straight off your face

 **Ann:** 😳😳😳

 **Ryuji:** bro

 **Ryuji:** when u get anns chapstick give some 2 me

 **Akira:** I will share my chapstick with you so hard bro

 **Ryuji:** oh bro......

 **Ann:** I feel like I'm intruding 😳

 **Akira:** Kissing is just a convenient way of sharing chapstick with your friends without using an actual chapstick

 **Ann:** Entirely platonic chapstick kisses? 😂

 **Akira:** Something something germs

 **Akira:** Something something kiss Ryuji

 **Ryuji:** im on board bro

 **Ann:** Are you like this with all your friends? 😂

 **Akira:** Actually none of them have spoken to me since I moved over here

 **Akira:** That came out way sadder than I expected it to

 **Ryuji:** bro

 **Ann:** Awww, Akira! 😢

 **Ryuji:** uve got us now bro

 **Ann:** And Shiho and Mishima!

 **Ryuji:** thats like 4 friends

 **Ann:** Do we like, count Morgana?

 **Akira:** Let's count him as .5

 **Ryuji:** 4.5 friends bro

 **Ann:** I'm sure you'll make even more friends~! 😁

 **Akira:** I'm counting Goro Akechi as 0.25 of a friend

 **Ryuji:** what

 **Ann:** KLSDJFLKSDF

 **Ann:** WHY

 **Akira:** We're playing Cup Pong together

 **Ann:** LKJDLGLD WHAT!!!!

 **Ryuji:** bro

 **Ryuji:** do u even know what he looks like

 **Akira:** I looked him up on the internet

 **Ryuji:** bro

 **Akira:** Fell down a rabbit hole

 **Ryuji:** bro

 **Akira:** Saw some things I shouldn't have seen

 **Ann:** KLDJSFLKSDF

 **Akira:** Now all my targeted ads are for argyle sweaters

 **Ryuji:** cant believe ur friends w/ a narc bro

 **Akira:** A hot narc

 **Ann:** AKIRA KJSDHGKJSDF OH YM GOD

 **Ryuji:** bro

 **Akira:** What

 **Akira:** Is Akechi a no-go zone or something?

 **Ann:** I think you'll have to compete with his legions of fans first~

 **Ryuji:** the mans playin cup pong w/ him ann

 **Ryuji:** thats basically marriage

 **Akira:** What

 **Ann:** Actuaaaaaally

 **Ann:** Maaaaybe we could use this for good?

 **Akira:** Define "good"

 **Ann:** Like, if you get in good with Akechi, then the student council presidents might lay off us for a while~?

 **Ryuji:** oh ann

 **Ryuji:** thats actually smart as hell

 **Ann:** 🥰🥰🥰

 **Akira:** Then we can continue to commit crimes right under their noses?

 **Ann:** Exactly~! 😤

 **Akira:** I'll do it

 **Akira:** I will seduce Goro Akechi

 **Ryuji:** u dont gotta go that far bro

 **Akira:** No no I've made up my mind

 **Akira:** We will be married by the summer

 **Ann:** KLJDFKLSD

 **Akira:** He will entrust me with his deepest, darkest, most unfathomable secrets

 **Akira:** And then

 **Akira:** Once I have gained his trust and made him fall completely and utterly in love with me

 **Akira:** I will shake the vending machines in the lobby again in an attempt to get free drinks

 **Ryuji:** wait

 **Ryuji:** BRO WAS THAT U

 **Akira:** Uh oh

 **Ryuji:** BRO U OWE ME A LEMONADE

 **Ryuji:** MINE EXPLODED OVER ME

 **Akira:** Uh

 **Akira:** Goodnight my sweet friends, kiss kiss kiss, see you tomorrow, be ready to fight Kamoshida after school, kiss kiss

 **Ryuji:** BRO!!!!!!!!!

 **Ann:** 😂😂😂

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**Goro Akechi**

**> 6:30am**

**> Goro made a move in Cup Pong!**

**> 8:59am**

**> Akira made a move in Cup Pong!**

**> Akira is in the lead!**

**Goro:** A good play.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> edited out section from the first part of the story:
>
>> **Goro:** Please refrain from doing that in the future.
>> 
>> **Akira:** No
>> 
>> **Goro:** I will take out both of your kneecaps if I ever catch you doing it.
>> 
>> **Akira:** Sounds like someone doesn't want free soda
>> 
>> **Goro:** I can afford soda.
>> 
>> **Akira:** ARE YOU CALLING ME POOR
>> 
>> **Goro:** I saw you and Sakamoto-kun fighting over a bread roll that was dropped on the floor.
>> 
>> **Akira:** That's fair


	3. Primadonna Gays

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Akira:** Let's steal the therapist's heart
> 
>  **Ann:** KDFHJKDFG YOU CAN'T STEAL PEOPLE'S HEARTS IN AN ATTEMPT TO AVOID THERAPY
> 
>  **Ryuji:** ull never know until u try

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got really hard into MARINA during the writing of this. You can tell. Enjoy!

**Goro Akechi**

**> 3:01pm**

**> Akira made a move in Cup Pong!**

**> 5:45pm**

**> Goro made a move in Cup Pong!**

**> Goro wins the game!**

**> 7:32pm**

**Akira:** Bastard

 **Goro:** I merely won the game, Kurusu-kun.

 **Akira:** I stand by what I said

**> Goro invited Akira to play Cup Pong!**

**Goro:** Best of three?

 **Akira:** You're going DOWN

**> Akira made a move in Cup Pong!**

**> Goro made a move in Cup Pong!**

**> Goro is in the lead!**

**> Akira made a move in Cup Pong!**

* * *

**Ryuji Sakamoto, Ann Takamaki**

**> 7:48pm: Ryuji started a new chat thread.**

**Ryuji:** THAT WAS BONKIN!!!!!!!!

 **Ryuji:** terrifyin but BONKIN!!!!!!!!

 **Ryuji:** bros i feel like i could run from coast 2 coast

 **Akira:** Run Ryuji run

 **Ryuji:** I WILL BRO!!!

 **Ann:** How do we know if our change of heart worked, though?

 **Akira:** Morgana says we'll know

 **Ann:** Tooooootally helpful~! 😒

 **Ryuji:** do u think everyones capable of gettin a palace?

 **Akira:** Let me ask Morgana

 **Ann:** I hope we don't have Palaces 😖

 **Akira:** Kitty says that Palaces are only born of those with twisted desires smdnfjvvvvvvvvvvvv

 **Ryuji:** u alright bro?

 **Akira:** Kitty has just bitten me for calling him Kitty

 **Ann:** Oh no.

 **Akira:** Kitty has bitten me again

 **Ryuji:** bro stop callin him kitty

 **Akira:** I am not learning my lesson here

 **Ann:** I'm in Shibuya and I just heard someone talking about us?!

 **Ann:** About the calling card!

 **Ryuji:** WERE FAMOUS BRO

 **Ryuji:** WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

 **Ann:** ksdjfksdf Ryuji 😂

 **Akira:** I mean nobody knows that it was us

 **Akira:** Except for us

 **Akira:** And whoever saw my "I AM GOING TO MENTALLY DESTROY SHUJIN ACADEMY'S GYM TEACHER" shirt

 **Ann:** KSHDKJFSKDJF

 **Ryuji:** bro

 **Ryuji:** lets get matchin shirts

 **Akira:** Matching hats

 **Ann:** Matching booty shorts?

 **Ryuji:** ann wins lets get shorts

 **Akira:** Time to get started on some squats

 **Akira:** One squat

 **Akira:** Two squats

 **Akira:** My legs hurt

 **Ryuji:** bro u gotta do some stretches first

 **Akira:** I can see the light

 **Ann:** Think positively~! 💖

 **Akira:** At least I'll leave a beautiful corpse

 **Ryuji:** ull leave the hottest corpse bro

 **Akira:** Thanks bro

 **Ann:** What are we gonna do with Kamoshida's treasure?

 **Ryuji:** sell it

 **Akira:** Use it to attract crows and then teach the crows to attack our enemies in exchange for more shiny things

 **Ryuji:** changed my mind

 **Ryuji:** what akira said

 **Ann:** 😩

 **Akira:** Fine we'll sell it

 **Akira:** But if we miss out on the chance to make a bunch of crow friends

 **Akira:** You can't tell but I'm gesturing menacingly at my phone

 **Ann:** dsjfhsdjf you are the WORST!!!!

 **Akira:** You love meeeeee

 **Ann:** I doooooooooo~

 **Ryuji:** and im also here

 **Ann:** We love you too, Ryuji~! 💖

 **Akira:** We love Ryuji

 **Akira:** Let's get matching shirts

 **Akira:** To go with our matching shorts

 **Ann:** 'Ryuji wants me / fish fear me' hats?

 **Akira:** YES

 **Ryuji:** ANN

 **Akira:** YOU'RE A GENIUS

 **Akira:** I'D KISS YOU IF I WERE CLOSER

 **Ryuji:** ANN

 **Ryuji:** GO INTO FASHION DESIGNIN

 **Ann:** 😳😊💝🥰

 **Ann:** Only if you two will be my models~!

 **Akira:** Us and Shiho as models

 **Ryuji:** wed be rich nd sexy

 **Akira:** You're already sexy Ryuji

 **Ryuji:** bro

 **Akira:** Too far?

 **Ryuji:** i was just gonna say were gonna be rich when u sell that medal bro

 **Ryuji:** it looks orthentic

 **Ryuji:** orthnetnic

 **Ryuji:** orthodontics?

 **Ann:** Do you mean 'authentic'? 😂

 **Ryuji:** im hot not smart

 **Akira:** You're both in my heart

 **Ryuji:** bro

 **Akira:** Also I know a dude to sell it to

* * *

**Munehisa Iwai**

**> 8:09pm: Akira started a new chat thread.**

**Akira:** Hello I would like to legitimately sell a legitimate good to you

 **Iwai:** You're killing me, kid.

 **Iwai:** You free tomorrow?

 **Akira:** 👍🏻

 **Iwai:** See you then.

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**Ryuji Sakamoto, Ann Takamaki**

**> 8:11pm**

**Akira:** Treasure's set to be sold tomorrow

 **Akira:** Then we can party

 **Ann:** Is everyone else thinking what I'm thinking~?

 **Ryuji:** no im thinkin what im thinkin

 **Akira:** I'm thinking whatever Ryuji's thinking

 **Ann:** I'm thinking one of those waaaay fancy hotel buffets~!

 **Akira:** YES

 **Ryuji:** BRO

 **Akira:** We should really just make Ann the brains of this operation

 **Ryuji:** bro im gonna eat my weight in meat

 **Akira:** Wink

 **Ryuji:** wink

 **Ann:** Wink?

 **Akira:** What are we

 **Ryuji:** bros

 **Ryuji:** sexy bros

 **Ann:** Sexy bros who eat a lot of meat~ 🍖🥩🥓

 **Akira:** Heheheheheh

 **Ryuji:** hehehe

 **Ann:** 😂😂😂

 **Akira:** Also Morgana says he's up for hotel buffet

 **Akira:** He demands sushi

 **Ann:** We should set up Monamona with his own chat ID! 📱

 **Ryuji:** monamona

 **Ryuji:** for real?

 **Ann:** Monamona sounds so cute!

 **Akira:** I call him Mr. Paws

 **Akira:** Senator Kittingsworth

 **Akira:** Lord Meowingtonnvbjdfb

 **Ann:** He bit you again, didn't he?

 **Akira:** I can neither confirm nor deny this

 **Ryuji:** bro

 **Akira:** He's going to sleep

 **Akira:** We should also probably go to sleep

 **Ann:** It's not even like, 8:30pm?

 **Akira:** Snzzzzz

 **Ryuji:** bro

 **Akira:** Snzzzzzzzzzzzzz

 **Ann:** Welllllll 😆

 **Ann:** @ _Ryuji_ you want to meet up for crepes~?

 **Ryuji:** HELL YEA

 **Akira:** I am suddenly awake for entirely unrelated reasons

 **Ann:** 😆😆😆

 **Ann:** I'll meet you all outside Shibuya station in 20 minutes?

 **Ryuji:** ALRADY ON MY WAY

 **Akira:** Just need to put my trousers on

 **Ryuji:** EFF TROUSERS BRO

 **Akira:** In that case I'm on my way

 **Ann:** Please like, put some trousers on.

 **Akira:** Yes ma'am

 **Ann:** 😆

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**Goro Akechi**

**> 8:30am**

**> Goro made a move in Cup Pong!**

**> Akira made a move in Cup Pong!**

**> Akira is in the lead!**

**> Goro made a move in Cup Pong!**

**> Goro is in the lead!**

**> Akira made a move in Cup Pong!**

**> Goro made a move in Cup Pong!**

**> Akira made a move in Cup Pong!**

**> Akira wins the game!**

**Goro:** Hmmmm.

 **Goro:** Well played.

 **Akira:** You're seething with rage, aren't you

 **Goro:** I try my best not to get angry before noon.

 **Akira:** I will be challenging that

**> Akira invited Goro to play Cup Pong!**

**> Goro made a move in Cup Pong!**

* * *

**Ryuji Sakamoto, Ann Takamaki**

**> 7:07pm: Akira started a new chat thread.**

**Akira:** I think I left Mona at the buffet

 **Akira:** My bag is full of little cakes and sandwiches

 **Ryuji:** bro

 **Ann:** Oh no 😂

 **Akira:** Or maybe Mona can turn into finger foods?

 **Akira:** He can turn into a van

 **Akira:** He can be tiny foods too

 **Ryuji:** well go lookin 4 him if he hasnt shown up by 2morrow

 **Ann:** I'll keep an eye out for him, too~!

 **Akira:** Also I thought of a new potential name for our group

 **Ryuji:** lets hear it bro

 **Akira:** Akira's Angels

 **Ann:** KLDJSFKSD

 **Ann:** Isn't that like, plagiarism?

 **Akira:** Hey if we're not making a profit I'm sure it's legally fine

 **Ryuji:** how about Morgana And The Gays

 **Akira:** The fact that you used caps makes me realise how serious you are about this

 **Akira:** So I say yes

 **Ann:** KDSJFK 

**Ann:** As much as I love both of those suggestions, we need to stay anonymous? 😅

 **Akira:** Anonymous Angels

 **Ryuji:** cat nd the gays

 **Akira:** Definitely Not Akira, Ryuji, Ann, and Morgana From Shujin Academy

 **Ryuji:** 2 blondes, a cat, nd a nerd

 **Akira:** Are you calling me a nerd?

 **Ryuji:** yea

 **Akira:** Fair enough

 **Ann:** I still like The Diamonds~! 💎

 **Akira:** Diamond Gays

 **Ryuji:** primadonna gays

 **Akira:** ALL I EVER WANTED WAS THE WORLD

 **Ann:** DKJGJKSDFS

 **Ann:** I CAN'T HELP THAT I NEEEEEEEEEEEED IT ALL

 **Ryuji:** THE PRIMADONNA LIFE THE RISE ND FALL

 **Akira:** Okay I don't remember where we were going with this

 **Akira:** OH NAMING OUR GROUP

 **Ryuji:** well we steal shit

 **Ryuji:** how about the gay stealers

 **Ann:** That sounds like we steal... gay people?

 **Akira:** I mean that's kind of how we were formed

 **Akira:** I showed up and attracted you both to me with my bisexual powers

 **Ann:** LKSDFJKSDF

 **Ann:** 😂😂😂

 **Ann:** What about Morgana~?

 **Ryuji:** hes our gay mascot

 **Akira:** I GOT IT

 **Akira:** GAY AGENDA

 **Ryuji:** BONKIN

 **Ann:** I mean, I LOVE it, but I feel people might not take us seriously? 😂

 **Ann:** What about the Thieves of Hearts? ❤️

 **Ryuji:** OH FOR REAL BRO

 **Ryuji:** OH ANNS ONTO SOMETHIN THERE

 **Akira:** That does sound sexy AND mysterious

 **Akira:** And also not like a group of teens who are just making it up as they go along

 **Ryuji:** OH BROS

 **Ryuji:** HOW ABOUT

 **Ryuji:** THE PHANTOM THIEVES OF HEARTS

 **Akira:** BROOOOOOO

 **Ann:** Well, you wrote 'The Phantoms' on the calling card, right?

 **Ann:** So that totally fits~! 💌

 **Ryuji:** BONKINNNNNNNNNN

 **Akira:** Let's go out to another buffet to celebrate

 **Ann:** Do we like, have enough money for that?

 **Akira:** Let's steal someone else's heart, sell their treasure, and go out to another buffet to celebrate

 **Ryuji:** sounds good 2 me bro

 **Ann:** I'm in~! 👏🏻

 **Akira:** Alright gays, let's keep an eye out for our next target

 **Akira:** And I'll go look for Mona

 **Ann:** Good luck, Akira~! 👍🏻

 **Ann:** Try retracing your steps?

 **Ryuji:** leave him a trail of sushi

 **Akira:** These are both good ideas

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**> New friend request received from: Kasumi Yoshizawa**

**> You accepted the friend request!**

**> You have two unread messages.**

* * *

**Kasumi Yoshizawa**

**> 11:23am: Kasumi started a new chat thread.**

**Kasumi:** Hello, Senpai! It's me, your assigned partner-in-crime for the litter pick! ❤️

 **Kasumi:** I thought I'd add you on here so we can discuss tactics! ❤️

 **Akira:** We sneak up on the litter while it's sleeping

 **Kasumi:** And then pounce when its back is turned? ❤️

 **Akira:** Exactly

 **Kasumi:** Good plan, Senpai! ❤️

 **Kasumi:** I think this litter pick is going to be fun! ❤️

 **Akira:** The litter stands no chance against us

 **Kasumi:** Right! ❤️

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**Not The Phantom Thieves**

**> 11:31am: Akira started a new chat thread.**

**Akira:** Alright, who'd we all get assigned for the litter pick

 **Ann:** I'm with Hifumi~

 **Ann:** Apparently she's a super talented shogi player?

 **Ann:** All I know is that she's suuuuuper pretty 😳

 **Ryuji:** haha gay

 **Ryuji:** im with yusuke

 **Ryuji:** hes this dude in my class whos kinda weird

 **Ann:** Wait, Yusuke?

 **Ann:** Like, Yusuke Kitagawa?

 **Ryuji:** yea

 **Ryuji:** probly

 **Ann:** KSJDFK RYUJI HE'S LITERALLY FAMOUS

 **Akira:** Why do we have so many famous people at Shujin?

 **Ryuji:** wait wat

 **Ryuji:** WAT DO U MEAN HES FAMOUS ANN

 **Ann:** He's an artist under Madarame's tutelage!

 **Ryuji:** who

 **Akira:** I second this

**> Ann sent a link.**

**Ann:** The famous Madarame?

 **Akira:** Uhhh

 **Ryuji:** aint ringin no bells

 **Ann:** ... The guy who painted the Sayuri?

 **Akira:** I'm not from Tokyo?

 **Ryuji:** im a jock

 **Ann:** The Sayuri is literally known worldwide!!!!!!!

 **Ryuji:** i aint smart

 **Akira:** I'm too sexy for art

 **Ann:** 😖😖😖

 **Ann:** Just like, be nice to him~!

 **Ryuji:** that does explain why a group of girls keeps followin us everywhere

 **Ann:** ARE YOU HANGING OUT WITH HIM SJKDFKJSD

 **Ryuji:** yea he wants to set up a plan 4 the litter pick

 **Ryuji:** somethin about assthetics

 **Ann:** Aesthetics, Ryuji. 🤦🏼♀️

 **Ryuji:** yeah them effers

 **Akira:** This is the internet, you can swear here

 **Ryuji:** fuck u bro

 **Akira:** Fuck me yourself, coward

 **Ann:** GUYS

 **Ryuji:** maybe i fuckin will bro

 **Ann:** SDFKLSDFK

 **Ann:** YOU TWO

 **Akira:** Ann please, we're flirting

 **Ryuji:** im tryin 2 steal him away from akechi

 **Akira:** OH MY GOD THE GAME OF CUP PONG

 **Akira:** IT'S BEEN LIKE THREE DAYS

* * *

**Goro Akechi**

**> 11:42am**

**> Akira made a move in Cup Pong!**

* * *

**Not The Phantom Thieves**

**> 11:42am**

**Ryuji:** bro

 **Akira:** IT'S FINE I MADE A MOVE

 **Ann:** 🤦🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️

 **Akira:** Also I'm partnered with Kasumi Yoshizawa for the litter pick?

 **Akira:** She seems cool

 **Ann:** KJAJDKASD

 **Ann:** ARE YOU KIDDING ME

 **Ryuji:** lemme guess

 **Ryuji:** shes famous too

 **Ann:** SHE'S LITERALLY A FAMOUS GYMNAST!!!!!!!!!

 **Akira:** That explains why she's so cool

 **Akira:** DO YOU THINK SHE'LL TEACH ME HOW TO BACKFLIP

 **Ann:** No.

 **Ryuji:** no bro

 **Akira:** Nonbelievers

 **Ann:** Isn't it weird how like, we all got partnered with famous people?

 **Ryuji:** nah

 **Ryuji:** shujins teemin with em

 **Akira:** Let us use this to our advantage and steal their credit card info

 **Ann:** AKIRA

 **Ryuji:** no no let the dude speak

 **Ann:** The Phantom Thieves of Hearts steal hearts, not credit card information!

 **Akira:** Alright let's seduce them

 **Ryuji:** are u sayin i gotta seduce yusuke

 **Akira:** Yes

 **Ryuji:** aight

 **Ann:** SKJFJKSDF

 **Ryuji:** he aint bad lookin

 **Ryuji:** hes just kinda weird

 **Akira:** Ryuji

 **Akira:** We literally go into an alternate universe to run Shadows over in a van made out of my cat

 **Ryuji:** well when ya put it that way

 **Ann:** JSJKDKSF PLEAS EI'MC RYING

 **Akira:** Alright are we meeting for lunch?

 **Ryuji:** usual vendin machine?

 **Akira:** I'm thinking the vending machine to the left today

 **Akira:** Let's be daring

 **Ann:** JKHDKJFS

 **Ryuji:** i think uve killed ann bro

 **Akira:** She will be missed

 **Ann:** Thanks, guys 😭

 **Ann:** OOOOH don't forget we have a special assembly after lunch~!

 **Ryuji:** ok

 **Ryuji:** why

 **Ann:** I think the school's bringing in like, a therapist?

 **Akira:** Oh

 **Ryuji:** oh

 **Akira:** Oh god they're gonna make us go, aren't they

 **Ann:** I mean, we diiiiiiiid kinda play a central role in the whole Kamoshida thing?

 **Ann:** And like, I'm friends with Shiho, you two had Mishima, Ryuji had his whole thing...

 **Ryuji:** bastard broke my leg

 **Ryuji:** id call that more than a whole thing bro

 **Ann:** But you get what I mean!

 **Akira:** Let's steal the therapist's heart

 **Ann:** KDFHJKDFG YOU CAN'T STEAL PEOPLE'S HEARTS IN AN ATTEMPT TO AVOID THERAPY

 **Ryuji:** ull never know until u try

 **Akira:** TO THE METAVERSE

 **Akira:** AFTER A HEALTHY VENDING MACHINE LUNCH

**> The chat thread was closed.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> canon? putting the events of the game in the correct order with a less-than-one-minute trip to the P5 wiki? idk her.


	4. The End // Naruto X Sasuke「AMV」#SasuNaru

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Goro:** You.
> 
>  **Goro:** Are.
> 
>  **Goro:** Insufferable.
> 
> **> Akira made a move in Cup Pong!**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is shorter than usual but makes up for it by potentially being my magnum opus.

**Not The Phantom Thieves**

**> 12:58pm: Akira started a new chat thread.**

**> Akira sent 63 photos.**

**Akira:** MORGANA FELL ASLEEP WITH HIS TONGUE STICKING OUT

 **Ann:** AWWWWWW JDHSHDH OH MY GOD 😍🥺

 **Ryuji:** poke it bro

 **Akira:** No

 **Akira:** I've been bitten too many times to risk it again

 **Ryuji:** bro

 **Akira:** Okay fine I'll poke it

 **Ann:** YOU TWO SDKJFSKJDF

 **Akira:** I am now bleeding profusely

 **Akira:** How's everyone else's Sunday going

 **Ryuji:** well im hangin out with yusuke

 **Akira:** WHAT

 **Akira:** I WANT TO HANG OUT WITH YUSUKE

 **Ann:** YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHO YUSUKE IS

 **Akira:** I DON'T CARE

 **Ryuji:** IM HANGIN OUT WITH HIM

 **Akira:** MOM SAID IT'S MY TURN ON THE YUSUKE

 **Ann:** YOU TWO!!!!!!!

 **Akira:** Yes

 **Ryuji:** wassup bro

 **Ann:** Stop arguing!!

 **Akira:** Never

 **Ryuji:** okay

 **Akira:** Okay then

 **Ann:** Ryuji, are you and Yusuke hanging out like, all day?

 **Ryuji:** nah were just gettin lunch

 **Ryuji:** idk if the dude even eats

 **Ann:** Should we go to Mementos later, then~?

 **Akira:** We do have about six requests from Mishima

 **Akira:** And it'd be great practice for uh

 **Akira:** Fighting things

 **Ryuji:** im in

 **Akira:** I too, am in

 **Ann:** Meet outside Shibuya Station at 4pm?

 **Akira:** Got it ma'am

 **Ryuji:** see u there

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**Not The Phantom Thieves**

**> 9:46pm: Ryuji started a new chat thread.**

**Ryuji:** that dude in mementos said madarame right

 **Akira:** Yes

 **Ann:** It's like, weirdly convenient that our next target might be Madarame and Ryuji is like, befriending Yusuke~?

 **Akira:** It's the universe telling us to help him

 **Ryuji:** we gotta make sure we aint barkin up the wrong tree first

 **Akira:** Or we can just guess wildly what his Palace might be until we get in

 **Ryuji:** we can also do that

 **Ann:** kjdfksd

 **Ann:** Ryuji, can you try and get some information out of Yusuke?

 **Ann:** Like, be subtle though.

 **Ann:** Please don't show up like "hey is it for real that ur patron is stealin your art nd treatin u horribly bro"?

 **Akira:** That was an eerily good imitation

 **Ryuji:** honestly bro i had 2 check i hadnt wrote it

 **Ryuji:** also i am the king of subtltly

 **Akira:** No

 **Ann:** No.

 **Ryuji:** fine

 **Ryuji:** ill ask him about madarame 2morrow

 **Ryuji:** but in a totally cool way

 **Ryuji:** so cool hell freeze

 **Akira:** He'll freeze or hell will freeze?

 **Ryuji:** yea bro

 **Akira:** Hell yeah

 **Ann:** Now we've got that sorted out, it's late, so I'm going to bed~ 💤

 **Ann:** Don't stay up too late!

 **Akira:** Understood, will stay up until 5am

 **Ryuji:** 6am

 **Akira:** 7am

 **Ryuji:** no sleep

 **Akira:** SLEEP IS FOR THE WEAK

 **Ryuji:** BROOOOOOOO

 **Akira:** BROOOOOO!!!

 **Ann:** 💤💤💤

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**Goro Akechi**

**> 8:35am**

**> Goro made a move in Cup Pong!**

**> Akira made a move in Cup Pong!**

**> Akira is in the lead!**

**> Goro made a move in Cup Pong!**

* * *

**Not The Phantom Thieves**

**> 1:18pm: Ryuji started a new chat thread.**

**Ryuji:** so yusukes asked to draw me naked

 **Akira:** Yes

 **Ann:** KJSDFKSJ WHAT

 **Ryuji:** he says i got a good figure

 **Ryuji:** he said some other shit abt art nd shit but i kinda zoned out

 **Akira:** Well you do have a good figure

 **Ryuji:** aw bro

 **Ann:** We could use this as an in!

 **Ann:** Did he say where he was going to draw you~?

 **Ryuji:** im guessin on some paper

 **Ann:** I MEANT THE LOCATION OF THE DRAWING

 **Ryuji:** my bod?

 **Akira:** I think she means where Yusuke is going to take you in order to draw you

 **Ryuji:** ohhhhhh

 **Ryuji:** his house

 **Akira:** Yusuke owns a house at our age?

 **Ann:** If only we stopped buying all those avocado toast lattes 😔

 **Ryuji:** he said madarame wont be home tomorrow so i wont have 2 worry abt anyone walkin in on me nakey

 **Akira:** Are you gonna do it?

 **Ryuji:** sure bro

 **Ryuji:** i aint got nothin to hide

 **Akira:** You are a saint

 **Ryuji:** id like if u came with me tho

 **Akira:** I can do that

 **Ann:** Maybe Yusuke will draw you naked too~ 😉

 **Akira:** I'll wear my best underwear

 **Ann:** Actually, while Ryuji's being drawn like one of Yusuke's French girls, like, see if you can find any dirt on Madarame 👀

 **Akira:** I will still wear my best underwear

 **Ann:** That's our Joker 😂

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**Goro Akechi**

**> 10:10am**

**> Akira made a move in Cup Pong!**

**Goro:** Aren't you meant to be litter picking right now?

 **Akira:** Aren't you meant to be supervising the litter pick right now?

**> Goro made a move in Cup Pong!**

**Goro:** This remains between us.

 **Akira:** Ooooooh

 **Akira:** Am I the student council president's dirty little secret?

 **Goro:** Please remember that I can easily give you detention.

 **Akira:** Sounds like someone wants to spend more alone time with me

 **Goro:** You are insufferable.

 **Goro:** Please return to litter picking.

 **Akira:** But of course, Mr. Student Council President sir~

**> 11:44pm**

**Akira:** WHAT WAS THE DETENTION FOR

 **Goro:** Blowing an unsolicited kiss at me.

 **Akira:** Bastard

 **Goro:** I am adding another day of detention.

 **Akira:** Get fucked, narc

 **Goro:** Excuse me?

 **Akira:** That was Ryuji

 **Goro:** I can quite clearly see you stood by yourself over there.

 **Akira:** It was the ghost of Ryuji

 **Goro:** He isn't dead.

 **Akira:** It was the spirit of Ryuji

 **Goro:** I am adding an extra two days of detention.

 **Akira:** Noooooooo Ryuji's spirit keeps following me around and saying things like I have to meet with three ghosts of Christmas tenses

 **Goro:** You.

 **Goro:** Are.

 **Goro:** Insufferable.

**> Akira made a move in Cup Pong!**

* * *

**> New friend request received from: Yusuke Kitagawa**

**> You accepted the friend request!**

**> You have two unread messages.**

* * *

**Yusuke Kitagawa**

**> 12:58pm: Yusuke started a new chat thread.**

**Yusuke:** Ah, Akira, it was wonderful to meet you at the litter pick!

 **Yusuke:** Ryuji has told me so much about his boyfriend.

 **Akira:** Who's his boyfriend

 **Akira:** WAIT DO YOU MEAN ME

 **Yusuke:** Ah, I apologise.

 **Yusuke:** Ryuji's comments regarding you led me to believe that the two of you are dating.

 **Akira:** Let me check hang on

* * *

**Ryuji Sakamoto**

**> 1:01pm: Akira started a new chat thread.**

**Akira:** Hey bro are we dating

 **Ryuji:** yea bro

 **Akira:** Nice

 **Ryuji:** nice

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**Yusuke Kitagawa**

**> 1:02pm**

**Akira:** I should be the one apologising, it turns out that Ryuji and I are indeed dating

 **Yusuke:** Ah, delightful!

 **Yusuke:** He talks about you as if you were a saint.

 **Yusuke:** No - as if you were his Patroclus and he were your Achilles.

 **Akira:** My who now

 **Yusuke:** Achilles and Patroclus?

 **Yusuke:** From the Iliad?

 **Akira:** Not gonna lie Yusuke

 **Akira:** I am not that smart

 **Yusuke:** Ah.

 **Yusuke:** As though you were his Enjolras and he were your Grantaire.

 **Akira:** Still not quite there

 **Yusuke:** You were his Sasuke and he were your Naruto.

 **Akira:** OHHHHH

 **Akira:** Yeah we're in love

 **Yusuke:** That is good to hear.

 **Yusuke:** I have heard many rumours regarding both you and Ryuji but it is clear to see that they are unfounded.

 **Akira:** Oh no I'm bad to the bone

 **Yusuke:** Oh?

 **Akira:** Oh no that was a joke

 **Yusuke:** Ah!

 **Yusuke:** Hahaha.

 **Yusuke:** I am afraid I must return to preparing my paints, but it was delightful to meet you.

 **Akira:** You too, Yusuke

 **Akira:** Don't be a stranger

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**Not The Phantom Thieves**

**> 1:31pm: Akira started a new chat thread.**

**Akira:** Okay so the good news is that I'm in good with Goro Akechi

 **Akira:** The bad news is that I'm in TOO good and now I have like four days of detention

 **Ryuji:** bro

 **Ann:** DJSHJDHD WHAT DID YOU DO 😭

 **Akira:** Told him to get fucked

 **Ann:** Okay, that's like, understandable 😭😭😭

 **Akira:** You'll have to go alone to Yusuke's modelling thing bro

 **Akira:** I'm sorry

 **Ryuji:** nah ill just take ann

 **Ryuji:** that cool?

 **Ann:** Suuuure~! 💖

 **Ann:** WAIT

 **Ann:** Will I have to see Ryuji naked?!

 **Akira:** Yeah

 **Ryuji:** yea

 **Ann:** Oh, cool~

 **Ryuji:** JUST COOL????

 **Ann:** I mean like, you're suuuuuper athletic, so you probably have a suuuuuper nice bod~

 **Ryuji:** omg ann

 **Ryuji:** if u wanted 2 see me naked u coulda just asked

 **Ann:** KJSDFKJSDF IT'S NOT LIKE THAT

 **Akira:** Do I hear wedding bells?

 **Ann:** NO

 **Ryuji:** NO

 **Akira:** Okay then I hit my head way too hard on that cupboard this morning

 **Ann:** AKIRA

 **Akira:** Ann

 **Ann:** Do you need to see a doctor?!

 **Ann:** Because I'm pretty sure that Dr. Maruki is still hanging around from lunch!

 **Akira:** Isn't he a doctor of like emotions though

 **Ryuji:** therapist bro

 **Akira:** Councillor?

 **Ryuji:** idk but hes hot

 **Akira:** RIGHT

 **Ann:** Oh my god you two 😣

 **Akira:** I have a weakness for men

 **Ann:** I CAN TELL FJHGKDJG

 **Akira:** I also have a weakness for you, Ann

 **Ann:** Are you telling me you love me?!

 **Akira:** Always have done

 **Ryuji:** bro thats my line

 **Ann:** ARE BOTH OF YOU TELLING YOU YOU LOVE ME?!

 **Ryuji:** yea bro

 **Akira:** What Ryuji said

 **Ann:** You two are idiots 😩

 **Ann:** But you're MY idiots~ 🥰💖

 **Akira:** ANN LOVES US

 **Ryuji:** HELL YEA BRO

 **Ann:** Don't make me regret this 🤦🏼‍♀️

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**Not The Phantom Thieves**

**> 6:14pm: Akira started a new chat thread.**

**Akira:** So how did Yusuke's modelling session go

 **Ann:** It was

 **Ann:** certainly a time?

 **Akira:** Oh no she's breaking up her sentences

 **Akira:** WHAT DID YOU DO

 **Ryuji:** we didnt do nothin!

 **Ryuji:** yusuke just got rly defensive when we asked abt madarame

 **Ann:** It was like, a really awkward time all around 😬

 **Ryuji:** sounds like someones just jealous that their nipples aint the gurnika of nipples

 **Ann:** Okay so firstly, it's "Guernica"!

 **Ann:** And secondly, I don't think that that was a compliment 😂

 **Ryuji:** wait wat

 **Ryuji:** u tellin me my nipples aint art?

 **Akira:** Your nipples are art, Ryuji

 **Ryuji:** thanks bro

 **Ann:** How was detention with your best friend Mr. Student Council President~?

 **Akira:** We just played chess

 **Ann:** That like, doesn't sound too bad!

 **Akira:** I don't know how to play chess

 **Ann:** Oh 🥶

 **Akira:** I was just moving pieces around while he said things like "good play" or "smart move"

 **Akira:** Actually I'm starting to think he might not be able to play chess either

 **Ann:** SJDHFSKJF

 **Ryuji:** bro

 **Akira:** I'm gonna read a chess manual and report back tomorrow

 **Akira:** On an entirely unrelated note, where sells chess manuals?

 **Ryuji:** try the sports store in the shibuya mall bro

 **Ryuji:** they got darts manuals so im sure theyll have chess too

 **Ann:** If that doesn't work, you could always try the school library~!

 **Akira:** Too risky, he'll work out that I can see through him like a window

 **Ann:** Break into Kosei and try their school library~?

 **Akira:** Okay

 **Akira:** Where's Kosei

 **Ann:** I don't actually know 😭

 **Ryuji:** its near that bowlin alley bro

 **Akira:** I put it in Maps and there are many bowling alleys in Tokyo

 **Ryuji:** yea just visit em until u get the right one bro

 **Ann:** Or maybe put "Kosei High" into Maps? 🤔

 **Akira:** But we could play so many games of bowling

 **Ann:** What if you get the right bowling alley on the first try?

 **Akira:** Then we'll just play like sixty games while at the right alley

 **Ryuji:** bro ur makin me wanna bowl

 **Akira:** God me too

 **Akira:** Let's go bowling after school tomorrow

 **Ann:** You have detention!

 **Akira:** I'll bring Akechi

 **Akira:** Tell him that bowling is just bigger chess

 **Ann:** JSHDFKJSFKJ

 **Ryuji:** bro

 **Ryuji:** do it

 **Ann:** "Knight to Queen Four" *yeets ball down alley*

 **Ann:** I also don't know how to play chess 😓

 **Ryuji:** its gonna get 2 a point where were just bringin akechi 2 mementos so we can get shit done

 **Akira:** Tell him it's chess but in a van

 **Ann:** KSDFKJDF

 **Ann:** Eating is just chess with food

 **Ryuji:** football is just chess w/ a ball

 **Akira:** Sex is just chess between two people

 **Ryuji:** sexy chess

 **Akira:** STRIP CHESS

 **Akira:** Detention tomorrow is going to go so badly

 **Ann:** If you can get student council president and ace detective Goro Akechi to partake in a game of strip chess, I will give you like, ALL the money in my bank account 😘

 **Akira:** IT'S ON

 **Ryuji:** nd we never saw akira again

**> The chat thread was closed.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The idea that neither Akira nor Goro actually know how to play chess is disproportionately hilarious to me.


	5. Meatverse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Ryuji:** so we just gotta find a door
> 
>  **Ann:** That seems........ easy enough~?
> 
>  **Akira:** I mean it'll be a special door and Madarame will have to see it open for the doors in the Metaverse to open
> 
>  **Ann:** That seems significantly less easy enough 😭

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one goes out to the person who messaged me saying that New Friend Request was a "blatant rip-off" of [Several people are typing...](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23671924/chapters/56827033) because while I appreciate you attempting to point out plagiarism, I also regret to inform you that I am the idiot behind both of those fics.

**Not The Phantom Thieves**

**> 4:18pm: Ann started a new chat thread.**

**Ann:** How's day two of detention going~?

**> 4:37pm**

**Ryuji:** i think akechis killed him

 **Ann:** Either that or they're engaged in the most dramatic game of chess ever♟️

 **Ryuji:** mayb theyve fallen in love nd eloped

 **Ann:** That would cause like, a LOT of problems for us?

 **Ryuji:** yeah but then wed only have 2 worry abt narcoto

 **Ryuji:** ann

 **Ann:** Yeah?

 **Ryuji:** seduce makoto

 **Ann:** KJSHDFKJS WHAT

 **Ann:** YOU SEDUCE MAKOTO!

 **Ryuji:** nah shell know somethins up if i do it

 **Ryuji:** nd besides im workin on gettin yusuke 2 open up

 **Ryuji:** u gotta do it

 **Ann:** KJSDF NO!!!

 **Ann:** Oh god, Ryuji, I just had like the WORST thought 😖

 **Ryuji:** hit me

 **Ann:** If Akira does manage to seduce Akechi-kun, would that make him like, our boyfriend too?

 **Ryuji:** uhhhhhhh

 **Ryuji:** idk

 **Ryuji:** like i think we can date ppl without datin other ppl

 **Ryuji:** if u get me

 **Ann:** Nope 😐

 **Ryuji:** like if akira did date akechi then theyd just be datin

 **Ryuji:** nd if akechi wanted 2 date one of us hed have 2 ask us

 **Ryuji:** capeesh?

 **Ann:** I capiche.

 **Ann:** So that means like, if I asked Shiho out, she wouldn't automatically be dating you and Akira too, right~?

 **Ryuji:** right

 **Ryuji:** R U GONNA ASK SHIHO OUT????

 **Ann:** KJSDFKJSD I DON'T KNOOOOOOOW

 **Ann:** I feel like it's too SOON after all the Kamoshida stuff but also like skjdfkjsdfkjds

 **Ann:** I LOVE HER RYUJI 😭😭😭💖💖💖

 **Ryuji:** bro

 **Ryuji:** ann

 **Ryuji:** ann my bro nd gf

 **Ryuji:** speakin 2 u as ur bf nd bro

 **Ryuji:** DO IT

 **Ann:** JKSHDFKJDSF

 **Ann:** But what if she like, doesn't like the idea of me already having two boyfriends?! 😭

 **Ryuji:** bro u deserve 60 bfs nd 100 gfs

 **Ann:** RYUJIGSJ DKSJDFKJ

 **Ryuji:** nd thats why u should seduce makoto

 **Ann:** RYUJI

 **Ann:** WAS THIS JUST A RUSE

 **Ryuji:** nah for real u should ask shiho out

 **Ryuji:** she loves u

 **Ryuji:** nd ur cute 2gether

 **Ann:** RYUJIIIIIIII 😭😭😭💖💖💖

 **Ann:** I LOVE YOOUUUUUUU

 **Ryuji:** i love u 2 bro

 **Ryuji:** oop i just got a txt from yusuke hang on

 **Ann:** ?!

 **Ryuji:** he says im welcome 2 come back round 4 modellin but i gotta come alone

 **Ann:** 😉😉😉

 **Ryuji:** bro

 **Ann:** Bro?

 **Ryuji:** i think we should try nd get into madarames palace

 **Ryuji:** i just KNOW that bastards got one

 **Akira:** Hello my beloveds, what have I missed

 **Ryuji:** anns gonna seduce makoto 4 us

 **Akira:** Alright

 **Ann:** JKDHSFKJ NO I'M NOT!!!!!

 **Ann:** We already have the student council president seduction covered by Akira and Akechi-kun!

 **Akira:** Yeah about that

 **Akira:** I proposed the idea of strip chess and now I have two weeks of detention

 **Ann:** JKSDHFKJS WHAT

 **Ann:** HOW ARE WE GOING TO DO ANYTHING IN MEMENTOS OR ANY PALACES IF YOU'RE PLAYING DETENTION CHESS WITH AKECHI-KUN!!!!!!!

 **Ryuji:** bro

 **Akira:** We'll just go out later?

 **Akira:** I mean he usually gets fed up with me by 5pm

 **Ryuji:** oh bro u fucked up

 **Akira:** Hey I'm a genius

 **Ryuji:** no

 **Ann:** No.

 **Akira:** If I'm in detention with Akechi, then you two can do recon on Madarame without anyone suspecting us of anything because I'm in detention

 **Akira:** With Akechi

 **Akira:** Who definitely does not know how to play chess

 **Ann:** JDSFJKSD

 **Ann:** Idk if I like, feel safe going into the Metaverse without our charming leader~?

 **Akira:** It'd give Mona something to do that isn't making retching noises while I flirt with Akechi

 **Ann:** KJDSKGSDF MONA

 **Ryuji:** poor dude

 **Ann:** You've convinced me~ 😂

 **Ann:** How about we try and get a hit for Madarame's Palace tonight, then we get Ryuji to go modelling tomorrow and Mona can snoop around Madarame's shack? 👀

 **Akira:** Ann, you're a genius

 **Ryuji:** im so proud of our smart gf

 **Ann:** YOU TWOOOOOO~ 😊💖

 **Akira:** Alright should we meet uh

 **Akira:** Outside Madarame's house I guess

 **Akira:** In an hour?

 **Ann:** I'll be there~!

 **Ryuji:** u got it bro

 **Akira:** I'm gonna go take Mishima out for ramen first

 **Akira:** Thank him for being such a good Mementos mission finder person

 **Ann:** Awwwww!

 **Ryuji:** bro i want ramen

 **Akira:** Then come third-wheel us

 **Ryuji:** aint mishima third wheelin us bcos were datin

 **Akira:** I'm third-wheeling both of you

 **Ryuji:** aight bro

 **Akira:** We're going to the beef bowl shop in Shibuya if you want ramen

 **Ryuji:** HELL yea bro

 **Ann:** You guys have fun~!

 **Ann:** I'm going to go visit Shiho 😊💖

 **Ryuji:** good luck ann!!!!!

 **Akira:** What's going on

 **Ryuji:** ill fill u in over ramen bro

 **Akira:** I don't think we should do that in public but if it's what you want

 **Ann:** KDFGJKFDJGK

 **Ryuji:** BRO

 **Akira:** Love yoooooouuuuu

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**Goro Akechi**

**> 5:30pm**

**> Goro made a move in Cup Pong!**

* * *

**Not The Phantom Thieves**

**> 10:45am: Akira started a new chat thread.**

**Akira:** Alright so Mona says that the security door in Madarame's Palace should correspond to a real place in real life

 **Akira:** It's probably also a door

 **Akira:** It's definitely a door

 **Ryuji:** so we just gotta find a door

 **Ann:** That seems........ easy enough~?

 **Akira:** I mean it'll be a special door and Madarame will have to see it open for the doors in the Metaverse to open

 **Ann:** That seems significantly less easy enough 😭

 **Ryuji:** bro

 **Ryuji:** why cant we just get mona to turn into a tank nd blast it down

 **Akira:** Because something something cognition something sushi something are you listening to me something something

 **Ryuji:** bro

 **Ann:** If Ryuji agrees to model for Yusuke tonight and takes Monamona with him, then Mona can sneak around while Ryuji's talking about his nipples~?

 **Ryuji:** hey!!!!

 **Ryuji:** u know my nipples r a sore spot

 **Akira:** I think everyone's nipples are a sore spot

 **Ryuji:** bro

 **Akira:** Bro

 **Ann:** Then if Mona finds the door and opens it, Akira and I can be waiting in the Metaverse to get through the security doors! 🔒

 **Akira:** Ann, you're a genius

 **Akira:** If we weren't in class, I would kiss you

 **Ann:** skjdfjks Akira!!!! 😳

 **Ryuji:** its fine bro we can all kiss at lunch

 **Akira:** I will pencil lunchtime kisses into my diary

 **Akira:** Morgana has chewed on my diary

 **Ryuji:** ill talk 2 yusuke at lunch

 **Akira:** Is this before or after the scheduled kissing

 **Ryuji:** durin bro

 **Ann:** 😳😳😳

 **Ryuji:** lets seduce yusuke 2 convince him 2 tell us about madarame

 **Akira:** Okay I'm starting to think that we can't solve all our problems through seduction why the fuck has our therapist just added me on here

* * *

**> New friend request received from: Takuto Maruki**

**> You accepted the friend request!**

**> You have one unread message.**

* * *

**Takuto Maruki**

**> 10:53am: Maruki started a new chat thread.**

**Maruki:** Hey, Akira! It's Maruki, your local friendly school counsellor. I'm just adding you on here so that if you ever need to talk about your problems while on the go, we can do so! Don't forget to eat something healthy at lunch!

* * *

**Not The Phantom Thieves**

**> 10:53am**

**Ann:** KSDJFKS WHAT

 **Ryuji:** bro

 **Akira:** He types like a dad

 **Akira:** What do I do

 **Ann:** HAS HE MESSAGED YOU

 **Akira:** YEAH

**> Akira sent a photo.**

**Ryuji:** bro

 **Ann:** "DON'T FORGET TO EAT SOMETHING HEALTHY AT LUNCH" JSKHDFKSJDF

 **Akira:** I was going to just eat sugar straight out of the bag but I guess Maruki's ruined those plans

 **Ann:** WHAT DOES HE MEAN "PROBLEMS WHILE ON THE GO"

 **Ryuji:** callin him at 3am bcos mona ate leftover cake again

 **Ann:** RYUJI

 **Ann:** KJSDHKJSD I AM TRYING SO HARD NTO TO CRY IN CLASS

 **Akira:** "Hey doc, my cat ate some cake. Should I be concerned?"

 **Ryuji:** "nah thats a cats natural diet"

 **Akira:** "Understood, I will give him more chocolate."

 **Ann:** JHSF GUYS PLEASE

* * *

**Takuto Maruki**

**> 10:57am**

**Akira:** You got it, doc

 **Maruki:** Haha, you can call me Maruki!

 **Akira:** You got it, Doctor Maruki

 **Maruki:** Remember that my door and inbox are always open if you need to talk!

 **Akira:** 👍🏻

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**Not The Phantom Thieves**

**> 10:57am**

**Akira:** Do you think Maruki could get me out of detention?

 **Ryuji:** just bring him 2 detention bro

 **Ann:** KSDJKFS WHY

 **Ryuji:** idk

 **Ryuji:** sounds fun

 **Akira:** Between him and Akechi I think they'd diagnose me with the world's largest range of problems

 **Ann:** Has Akechi been diagnosing you during chess?!

 **Akira:** He keeps calling me insufferable

 **Ryuji:** bro

 **Ryuji:** first the cup pong b4 marriage

 **Ryuji:** now insults b4 marriage

 **Ryuji:** u should just propose 2 akechi b4 any of his fans get there first

 **Ann:** Maybe Akechi's just taking an interest in Akira because of his criminal record~?

 **Ann:** Oooooh, maybe he thinks he's like, the straight-laced student council president who can convince the bad boy transfer student to abandon his bad boy ways and turn good~!

 **Akira:** He won't be straight when I'm done with him

 **Ann:** WHAT

 **Akira:** That came out significantly more ominous than intended

 **Akira:** I just meant that I'm going to seduce him

 **Ann:** 😂😂😂

 **Ryuji:** good luck bro

 **Ryuji:** teachers givin me funny looks so ill see u all at lunch

 **Ryuji:** love u my bros

 **Akira:** Love youuuuuuu

 **Ann:** LOVE YOU RYUJI 😘

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**Goro Akechi**

**> 11:25am**

**> Akira made a move in Cup Pong!**

* * *

**Not The Phantom Thieves**

**> 8:20pm: Ann started a new chat thread.**

**> Yusuke Kitagawa joined the group.**

**Ann:** Welcome to the Phantom Thieves~!!!!!!! 🃏❤️

 **Akira:** Sorry that you didn't have the best introduction in the world

 **Ryuji:** also sorry abt fallin on u in the metaverse

 **Yusuke:** Thank you for accepting me into your group.

 **Akira:** Also sorry we kind of ruined your life

 **Yusuke:** It is no worry.

 **Yusuke:** I would rather live an ugly truth than a beautiful lie.

 **Ryuji:** ohhh thats poetric bro

 **Akira:** Poetric

 **Ryuji:** shuddup

 **Yusuke:** I still cannot quite believe that Madarame's heart would be so... ugly.

 **Yusuke:** But I have seen the truth with my own eyes.

 **Ryuji:** hey

 **Ryuji:** were here for u bro

 **Yusuke:** Thank you.

 **Yusuke:** I assume that you four were behind the events of Kamoshida's confession too, then?

 **Akira:** Yes

 **Yusuke:** Fascinating.

 **Yusuke:** The power to change the hearts of others...

 **Yusuke:** And no doubt this power bleeds into the real world, too.

 **Ann:** Uhhhhhh

 **Ann:** How? 😅

 **Yusuke:** Well, it is quite evident that the three of you have quite the power of attraction.

 **Ryuji:** is he hittin on us

 **Akira:** He's right there, you can ask him yourself

 **Ryuji:** are u hittin on us bro

 **Yusuke:** "Hittin" on you?

 **Akira:** He's asking if you're flirting with us

 **Yusuke:** Ah!

 **Yusuke:** Yes, I suppose I am.

 **Ann:** KJSDKFS

 **Ann:** Don't worry, we all kinda just fall in love with Joker at some point~

 **Yusuke:** Joker?

 **Ann:** I MEANT AKIRA KSJDKSF

 **Ryuji:** we use codenames in the meatverse

 **Akira:** Meatverse

 **Ryuji:** im gonna fight u bro

 **Akira:** Do it

 **Ann:** I'm Panther, Ryuji is Skull, Morgana is Mona, and Akira is Joker~!

 **Yusuke:** Ah!

 **Yusuke:** I assume that Panther and Skull are related to your costumes?

 **Ann:** Yep! 😁

 **Akira:** I'm Joker because we live in a society

 **Akira:** And Morgana is Mona because we ran out of creativity by the time we got to him

 **Yusuke:** I see.

 **Yusuke:** What would my nickname be?

 **Ryuji:** good point bro

 **Ryuji:** whatre we callin him

 **Akira:** Mona Lisa

 **Ryuji:** bro

 **Akira:** Van Gogh

 **Ryuji:** bro

 **Akira:** Paintbrush

 **Ryuji:** BRO

 **Akira:** That's the extent of my art knowledge

 **Ann:** How about Kitsune~?

 **Ann:** Because of the mask!

 **Yusuke:** Kitsune?

 **Ryuji:** wait i got it

 **Ryuji:** lets call him fox

 **Ryuji:** bcos of the mask nd the tail

 **Yusuke:** It is a rather nice tail.

 **Ann:** FOX IS SO CUUUUUUTE 🦊💕

 **Yusuke:** I am rather partial to Fox.

 **Akira:** It's also easier to yell out in battle than Paintbrush von Watercolours

 **Ann:** KLSDJFKS

 **Ann:** We're not letting you name anything else 😂

 **Akira:** That is entirely understandable

 **Ryuji:** welcome 2 the gang fox!!!!!

 **Yusuke:** Thank you.

 **Yusuke:** I will endeavour to keep up with you.

 **Ann:** Oh, don't worry~!

 **Ann:** We're all kind of just like, making this up as we go along? 😅

 **Yusuke:** I will endeavour to be as good at pulling ideas out of thin air as you are.

 **Akira:** You'll fit right in

 **Ryuji:** youll be fine my dude

 **Yusuke:** With you three by my side, I am sure I will be.

 **Yusuke:** Oh, with Morgana, too.

 **Akira:** I was going to set him up his own chat ID but I have no idea how he'd navigate a tiny touchscreen with his cute little paws

 **Ryuji:** why dont u get him a tablet or laptop or some shit

 **Akira:** Do I look like I'm made of money

 **Ann:** If our Mementos trips are anything to go by, yesssssss? 😅

 **Akira:** Hey look what's that over there

**> The chat thread was closed.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't feed your cats chocolate. That is all the wisdom I have to impart unto you for this chapter.


	6. kjsdfklsdfjk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Goro:** Meet me in the gym after school today, Kurusu-kun.
> 
>  **Akira:** Oooh are we gonna make out under the bleachers
> 
>  **Goro:** No.
> 
>  **Akira:** Oh

**Not The Phantom Thieves**

**> 2:15pm: Yusuke started a new chat thread.**

**Yusuke:** I apologise for messaging during class, but are we heading back into Madarame's Palace today?

 **Ann:** It's no worry, Yusuke~! 💖

 **Ann:** Like seriously, I don't think Akira and Ryuji actually pay attention in class 😐

 **Akira:** Who said that

 **Ryuji:** whats class

 **Akira:** School is for nerds, we're at the arcade in Shibuya

 **Ann:** You are LITERALLY sat right behind me skjdhfskjf

 **Yusuke:** And I can see Ryuji from across the room...

 **Ryuji:** we aint there physically but were theyre mentally

 **Ryuji:** u know what im sayin

 **Akira:** Pew pew

 **Ann:** Just ignore them, Yusuke sjkhdfkjsdf

 **Yusuke:** Very well.

 **Yusuke:** May I ask, what is "sjkhdfkjsdf"?

 **Ann:** JSHDFKSFD OMG

 **Akira:** It's Annlanguage

 **Ryuji:** annguage

 **Ann:** jksdfkjsf okay right so like

 **Ann:** It's like, you know when you have like, a strong reaction to something?

 **Yusuke:** Ah, like a strong emotion?

 **Ann:** Yeah~!

 **Ann:** So when you like, feel really STRONGLY about something, you just

 **Ann:** JKSDHKLJSDKJF

 **Yusuke:** Allow me to try.

 **Yusuke:** nmx,cnv,m

 **Yusuke:** ?

 **Ann:** Okay so like, you usually use the middle row of keys~?

 **Ann:** Like jkshdfjskj conveys something better than uieytuier or xnbcvmnvc does!

 **Yusuke:** Ah!

 **Yusuke:** The patterning of the letters...

 **Yusuke:** It is truly kjsdfklsdfjk!

 **Ann:** JKSHDFKJS YEAH!!!!!

 **Akira:** skhdfjksdf

 **Ryuji:** s

 **Akira:** Me too

 **Ann:** 🤦🏼‍♀️

 **Akira:** Also yes, we should head back into Madarame's Palace later

 **Yusuke:** Shall we meet by the school gates?

 **Ann:** SOMEONE managed to get himself detention with Akechi-kun for like, two weeks, so we're kind of having to go exploring later in the day~?

 **Yusuke:** Is the someone Ryuji?

 **Ryuji:** WHAT THE EFF MAN

 **Akira:** It's me

 **Ryuji:** IM A GOOD BOY

 **Akira:** I'm a bad boy

 **Akira:** Bad to the bone

 **Akira:** And then inside my bones?

 **Akira:** It's just more badness

 **Yusuke:** I see.

 **Akira:** So yeah we'll meet up around 5pm or so

 **Yusuke:** I understand.

 **Ryuji:** @ _Yusuke_ u wanna go grab a beef bowl or somethin in the meantime man?

 **Yusuke:** I would enjoy that greatly, thank you.

 **Ryuji:** @ _Ann_ ur also invited

 **Ann:** sjdfjk thank you but Shiho and I are going to get ice-creeeeeaaaaaaaaammmmmm~ 😃

 **Akira:** Mona says make sure you eat in moderation

 **Ann:** Mona can come too, if he wants~!

 **Akira:** Mona says eat as much as you want

 **Ann:** KSDJFLKS

 **Ryuji:** bro ill bring u back some beef

 **Akira:** No bowl?

 **Ryuji:** sorry bro

 **Ryuji:** just gonna pack my shorts with meat

 **Ann:** LKSJDLFKSKLFD

 **Akira:** I don't actually know where to start with that

 **Ryuji:** whats wrong w/ meaty shorts bro

 **Yusuke:** I believe that pockets are not a particularly adequate way of transporting food.

 **Akira:** What's the absolute worst food you could put in your pockets?

 **Ann:** Spaghetti! 🍝

 **Ryuji:** a crab but u aint cooked it yet so its just pinchin u

 **Yusuke:** Soup.

 **Akira:** What about spaghetti crab soup

 **Yusuke:** You have created an abomination.

 **Ryuji:** aint that just ramen but wrong

 **Ann:** I mean like, if it's just plain spaghetti and then crab-flavoured soup, it's probably like, fancy ramen?

 **Ryuji:** i was imaginin like tomato nd meatball spaghetti

 **Yusuke:** As was I.

 **Ann:** SKJDHFSDKF

 **Akira:** There's only one way to find out

 **Akira:** Where's the nearest grocery store that also sells crabs and meatballs

 **Akira:** I'm gonna get Boss to cook this up for us

 **Ann:** But everything Boss makes is soooo gooooood 🤤

 **Yusuke:** May I ask, who is 'Boss'?

 **Ryuji:** its the dude who owns the coffee shop where akira lives

 **Yusuke:** You live in a coffee shop, Akira?

 **Akira:** It's a long story

 **Akira:** Because I was transferred over here with a criminal record, nobody really wanted to be associated with me, so a family friend took me in and now I live in his attic

 **Akira:** Okay so maybe it was a short story

 **Yusuke:** That is rather fascinating.

 **Akira:** It's a coffee-and-curry shop and Boss makes the BEST curry and coffee

 **Ann:** 🤤🤤🤤🤤🤤🤤🤤

 **Yusuke:** Is there space in your attic for two?

 **Ryuji:** bro

 **Ann:** KJSDJFS YUSUKE

 **Yusuke:** Have I overstepped? If so, I apologise.

 **Akira:** I mean we might have to get in a few more beds but we could probably fit about 10 or 11 people in there

 **Yusuke:** I may have to move in after we steal Madarame's heart.

 **Ryuji:** BRO

 **Ryuji:** IF YUSUKES MOVIN IN IM MOVIN IN

 **Ann:** YOU LITERALLY HAVE A HOUSE

 **Ryuji:** SO DOES YUSUKE

 **Yusuke:** Ah, but after we take down Madarame, I believe I will not be welcome at the atelier anymore.

 **Akira:** He's got a point

 **Akira:** Mi casa es su casa, Yusuke

 **Yusuke:** Thank you.

 **Ryuji:** what

 **Ryuji:** what language u speakin bro

 **Akira:** The language of love

 **Ann:** Isn't that French~? 🇫🇷

 **Akira:** I'm speaking Spanish

* * *

**Goro Akechi**

**> 2:47pm**

**> Goro made a move in Cup Pong!**

**> Goro is in the lead!**

**Goro:** Meet me in the gym after school today, Kurusu-kun.

 **Akira:** Oooh are we gonna make out under the bleachers

 **Goro:** No.

 **Akira:** Oh

 **Goro:** We are to supervise the volleyball team's practice.

 **Akira:** Oh?

 **Goro:** Without Kamoshida around, the duty currently falls to Niijima-san and I.

 **Akira:** And you want me to be there too?

 **Goro:** I must keep an eye on you somehow so I know you have attended your detention.

 **Goro:** Perhaps you could sort out the lost and found in the gym's changing rooms.

 **Akira:** Can we go back to playing chess

 **Goro:** No.

 **Akira:** What did I do to deserve this

 **Goro:** Would you like it in alphabetical order or ordered from earliest to latest?

 **Akira:** Ordered by how offensive you think each action was

 **Goro:** We shall be here all day, then.

**> Akira made a move in Cup Pong!**

**> Akira is in the lead!**

* * *

**Not The Phantom Thieves**

**> 2:47pm**

**Ann:** KSJDFKSF NO I MEANT THE LANGUAGE OF LOVE IS FRENCH

 **Akira:** Bonjour

 **Ryuji:** consider me seduced bro

 **Ann:** 😍😍😍

 **Yusuke:** Ah, Akira, parlez-vous français?

 **Akira:** Hang on I've got this

 **Akira:** Je suis

 **Akira:** Un cheval

 **Akira:** Et j'ai mal au derrière

 **Yusuke:** Ah, oui, je suis désolé.

 **Ryuji:** the eff are you two goin on about

 **Ann:** I think Akira just said he's like, a horse?

 **Ryuji:** bro u aint a horse

 **Akira:** Moo

 **Akira:** FUCK

 **Ryuji:** whats a cow but a milky horse

 **Akira:** Exactly

 **Yusuke:** Ann, may I ask, are they always like this?

 **Ann:** Preeeeetty much 😭

 **Ann:** You'll get used to it~! 💖

 **Akira:** Hey

 **Akira:** I don't have anything to say in response

 **Ann:** 😂😂😂

 **Akira:** Alright the bell's about to ring and apparently I'm doing volleyball-themed detention today

 **Akira:** Should we meet outside Madarame's around 5pm?

 **Ryuji:** ill be there bro

 **Ryuji:** yusuke we goin 4 beef bowls?

 **Yusuke:** If that is alright with you, Ryuji.

 **Ryuji:** no prob bob

 **Yusuke:** Who is Bob?

 **Ryuji:** ill explain over ramen

 **Ann:** See you guys at 5~! 💖💖💖

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**Takuto Maruki**

**> 4:30pm: Maruki started a new chat thread.**

**Maruki:** Hey Akira! Just thought I'd check in - I saw you heading to volleyball with Akechi-kun and Niijima-san today?

 **Maruki:** If you've managed to land yourself in detention, we can always see if we can transfer detention sessions to therapy time instead! Just let me know.

 **Maruki:** \- your local friendly school counsellor, Maruki.

**> 7:43pm**

**Akira:** If you have two weeks conveniently free, I happen to have two weeks of detention to transfer into therapy time

 **Maruki:** Oh dear! How did you manage to end up with two weeks of detention?

 **Akira:** It's a long story

 **Maruki:** Maybe one that we could talk about in therapy over snacks?

 **Akira:** That sounds good

 **Akira:** Thanks doc

 **Maruki:** I'll talk to Akechi-kun and Niijima-san tomorrow, then.

 **Maruki:** We'll get to the bottom of this!

 **Akira:** 👍🏻

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**Not The Phantom Thieves**

**> 8:07pm: Akira started a new chat thread.**

**Akira:** I forgot to mention this during the Palace adventure but I'm dating Mishima now

 **Ann:** KSDJFKSDF YESSSSSS

 **Ryuji:** oh bro

 **Yusuke:** I believe congratulations are in order.

 **Ryuji:** howd that happen

 **Yusuke:** When one of your friends enters into a relationship, it is considered common courtesy to congratulate them.

 **Ryuji:** nah man im talkin abt akira datin mish

 **Yusuke:** Ah. I apologise.

 **Akira:** Well I was there

 **Akira:** Mishima was there

 **Akira:** We kissed

 **Akira:** Fireworks went off

 **Akira:** Akechi tried to suplex me for doing non-detention activities during detention

 **Akira:** The usual

 **Ann:** A true romantic 😉

 **Ryuji:** bro

 **Ryuji:** im glad 4 u

 **Akira:** Thank you bro

 **Akira:** Also Morgana says we're not that far from the treasure

 **Akira:** Probably two or three more trips

 **Ann:** NIIIIIIIICE

 **Yusuke:** I am glad that this ordeal will be over soon.

 **Yusuke:** That nightmarish building is so disgustingly garish and self-indulgent.

 **Yusuke:** It is an affront to art to even assume that it could be considered art.

 **Ryuji:** idk what ur sayin bro but i agree

 **Yusuke:** Thank you, Ryuji.

 **Yusuke:** If you don't mind me asking, are we to remain friends after this is over?

 **Ann:** JKSHDFKDSFJKH YES

 **Ann:** YUSUKE YOU'RE ONE OF US NOW!!! 💑

 **Ryuji:** we ride together we dont die together

 **Akira:** We are bonded by our trauma

 **Yusuke:** Thank you, my friends.

 **Akira:** Also you might be moving into my bedroom so it'd be weird if we weren't friends

 **Yusuke:** Haha, indeed.

 **Yusuke:** It means a great deal to me that the three of you would continue to stay by my side through this.

 **Ryuji:** we aint leavin u on ur own bro

 **Ryuji:** we gotta stick together to defeat shitty adults

 **Akira:** And you're a good egg, Yusuke

 **Ann:** We'll always be in your corner~! 🥰

 **Yusuke:** Thank you.

 **Akira:** Alright I'm taking my kids to the cinema so everyone have a good night

 **Ann:** JKSHDFKSJF WHAT KIDS

 **Ryuji:** bro

 **Yusuke:** You have children, Akira?

 **Akira:** They're my friend's kids?

 **Akira:** And I am an amazing Uncle

 **Akira:** Nailed it

 **Ryuji:** bro

 **Ryuji:** im so confused

 **Akira:** This is all just a dream

 **Akira:** Go to bed

 **Ryuji:** ok bro

 **Ryuji:** love u my sweet bf

 **Ryuji:** nd u ann my sweet gf

 **Ryuji:** nd yusuke ur also here nd i love ya

 **Yusuke:** Goodnight, Ryuji.

 **Ann:** Goodnight, everyone~!

 **Ann:** See you tomorrow~! 💖💤

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**Takuto Maruki**

**> 8:36am: Akira started a new chat thread.**

**> Akira invited Maruki to play Cup Pong!**

**Akira:** DOC THAT WASN'T MEANT FOR YOU I'M SORRY

**> Maruki made a move in Cup Pong!**

**Maruki:** Hahaha, it's okay! I am down with the young kids.

 **Maruki:** I also played a lot of the real thing during my college years.

**> Akira made a move in Cup Pong!**

**> Akira is in the lead!**

**Maruki:** I see you're trying to steal my title of Cup Pong Champion?

 **Akira:** It's on, doc

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took me so long to update! Depression(TM) hit hard. Hope you're all doing alright!


	7. Drop out of school and join my emo band

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Maruki:** Sakamoto-kun! Are you planning on coming to a counselling session any time soon?
> 
>  **Ryuji:** fuck
> 
>  **Ryuji:** I MEAN EFF
> 
>  **Ryuji:** PISS

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me: *mashes the Yusuke and Makoto arcs together to save time*

**Makoto Niijima, Akira Kurusu, Ryuji Sakamoto, Ann Takamaki, Yusuke Kitagawa, Yuuki Mishima**

**> 8:15am: Makoto started a new chat thread.**

**Makoto:** I know that the five of you are up to something, and it would be in your best interests to come clean.

 **Akira:** Fine

 **Akira:** I confess

 **Ryuji:** BRO NO

 **Akira:** We have started a band together

 **Ann:** KLSJDFKLSDLF AKIRA

 **Yusuke:** Have we?

 **Akira:** Yusuke, we were going to surprise you with an impromptu jazz performance

 **Yusuke:** I do enjoy jazz.

 **Makoto:** Oh.

 **Makoto:** I apologise for ruining the surprise.

 **Akira:** I do the words

 **Akira:** Ryuji strums the guitar

 **Akira:** Ann plays the keytar

 **Akira:** Mishima's on the triangle

 **Akira:** We don't sound very good

 **Mishima:** I think we need more percussion!!

 **Ann:** We'll get you a second triangle, Mishima~! 💖

 **Akira:** Hang on I'll get us some more percussion

 **Makoto:** Kurusu-kun, I really don't think that's appropriate.

**> **Shiho Suzui** joined the group.**

**Akira:** HEY SHIHO CAN YOU PLAY DRUMS

 **Shiho:** I can try! ^_^

 **Akira:** Hmmm

 **Yusuke:** What of the saxophone, Suzui-san?

 **Shiho:** What of it? o_O

 **Akira:** Can you play it?

 **Shiho:** I can try! ^_^

 **Ann:** Shiho's good at cello~! 😉

 **Akira:** SHIHO ON CELLO

 **Ann:** JKSDFJKSDF

 **Akira:** We still need a drummer

 **Ryuji:** im sure i can drum bro

 **Ryuji:** its just hittin shit right

 **Yusuke:** Drumming requires a precise sense of rhythm.

 **Ryuji:** u sayin i aint rhymthic

 **Ryuji:** is that a word

 **Makoto:** It is not, Sakamoto-kun.

 **Akira:** I've had an idea

**> **Goro Akechi** joined the group.**

**Akira:** AKECHI-KUN CAN YOU PLAY THE DRUMS

 **Goro:** I cannot.

 **Goro:** What is going on here?

 **Ryuji:** niijimasans mad at us for startin a band without a permit bro

 **Goro:** So you're using this opportunity to scout for a drummer?

 **Akira:** Seize the day

 **Akira:** Carpe diem

 **Makoto:** I'm sorry, Akechi-kun.

 **Goro:** No, no, I'm quite enjoying this.

 **Goro:** I am particularly proficient in the trumpet, if you need a trumpet player.

 **Akira:** MR STUDENT COUNCIL PRESIDENT ON TRUMPET

 **Ann:** We're like, still missing a drummer, though 😅

 **Ryuji:** bros ive already said i cn drum

 **Yusuke:** Ryuji, I believe you lack the skillset to play the drums.

 **Ryuji:** thems fightin words bro

 **Yusuke:** Very well.

 **Yusuke:** Shall we 'square up' after school?

 **Ryuji:** YEA BRO

 **Ann:** Ohhhhhh boy 😅😅😅

 **Makoto:** Please remember that fighting on school grounds is an offence that can land you in detention.

 **Yusuke:** We must ensure that we fight off school grounds, Ryuji.

 **Ryuji:** what u gonna do

 **Ryuji:** give us all detention

 **Akira:** Please don't

 **Akira:** I've only been going here for a month and I've already got two weeks of detention

 **Goro:** You also have a criminal record, which is an outlier for the average student.

 **Akira:** :(

 **Akira:** This is bullying

 **Goro:** I am stating facts.

 **Akira:** @ _Makoto_ Can you give Akechi-kun detention

 **Makoto:** No?

 **Ann:** LKDSJFLKSDFL

 **Akira:** Please?

 **Makoto:** No.

**> **Hifumi Togo** joined the group.**

**Akira:** HIFUMI CAN YOU PLAY THE DRUMS

 **Hifumi:** I can't?

 **Makoto:** Kurusu-kun!

 **Ryuji:** bro

 **Hifumi:** But I can play the theremin if that's of any use to you.

 **Yusuke:** The theremin?!

 **Yusuke:** The mastery of such an instrument...

 **Yusuke:** May I draw it?

 **Hifumi:** Sure, Kitagawa-kun.

 **Ann:** SKDFJSJKLDF WAIT AKIRA HOW DO YOU KNOW HIFUMI

 **Akira:** We were partners in gym once

 **Akira:** I mesmerised her with my mastery of the hula hoop

 **Hifumi:** You fell over your own shoes and lay on the floor complaining.

 **Akira:** Mastery of the hula hoop

 **Ryuji:** bro

 **Hifumi:** He was quite good once he got back up.

 **Makoto:** This chat has gotten out of my control.

 **Goro:** I am deeply entertained.

 **Akira:** None of us are leaving until I find us a drummer

 **Mishima:** Okay but class starts in just under 30 minutes!!

 **Akira:** 30 MINUTES TO FIND US A DRUMMER

**> **Takuto Maruki** joined the group.**

**Ann:** AKIRA KJDHSFKS

 **Ryuji:** DUDE

 **Yusuke:** Oh my.

 **Akira:** DOC CAN YOU PLAY THE DRUMS

 **Maruki:** I'm afraid not, Akira!

 **Akira:** DAMMIT

 **Maruki:** I did play bass during my college years, if you're looking for a bassist!

 **Akira:** PERFECT

 **Akira:** DOC JOIN OUR BAND

 **Ann:** AKIRA

 **Makoto:** Kurusu-kun, I believe this conversation breaks at least one school rule.

 **Ryuji:** is the rule not 2 be a narc

 **Maruki:** Sakamoto-kun! Are you planning on coming to a counselling session any time soon?

 **Ryuji:** fuck

 **Ryuji:** I MEAN EFF

 **Ryuji:** PISS

 **Yusuke:** Watching him dig himself deeper...

 **Ann:** GUYS PLEASE I'M TRYING NOT TO CRY IN THE COURTYARD LKSJFLKDF

 **Yusuke:** It is an amusing situation.

 **Maruki:** Are you okay, Takamaki-san? Do you need to talk? My door's always open!

 **Ann:** Hahahaha thank you doc but it's okay~! I was just making a joke 😂

 **Akira:** We have 28 minutes and still no drummer

 **Makoto:** Kurusu-kun, I believe you. There is no reason to continue this.

 **Akira:** But Niijima-san

 **Akira:** WAIT I HAD A THOUGHT

 **Shiho:** I'm starting to think we should worry when he says that ._.

**> Caroline joined the group.**

**> Justine joined the group.**

**Caroline:** INMATE

 **Justine:** You have called upon us, inmate?

 **Akira:** Can either of you play the drums

 **Caroline:** WHAT ARE DRUMS

 **Ryuji:** bro whats goin on

 **Goro:** The cafeteria is having a sale on cinnamon rolls, for anyone interested.

 **Ryuji:** ILL BE THERE

 **Yusuke:** If you could pick one up for me, that would be wonderful.

 **Ryuji:** U GOT IT BRO

 **Ann:** KJHSDFJK SHIHO AND I ARE HEADING OVER

 **Akira:** @ _Caroline_ They're like these things that you hit to make noise

 **Caroline:** LIKE A GONG

 **Caroline:** QUESTION MARK

 **Akira:** How come you know what a gong is but not drums

 **Justine:** Our knowledge is selective.

 **Makoto:** Kurusu-kun, who ARE these people?

 **Akira:** My probation officers?

 **Caroline:** INMATE IS THIS GONG RELATED TO YOUR REHABILITATION

 **Caroline:** IF SO WE CAN SUPPLY ONE

 **Caroline:** IF YOU ARE GOOD

 **Akira:** I'll be good, thank you

 **Justine:** We are both skilled at playing the piano.

 **Akira:** Do we need a pianist?

 **Hifumi:** Are you starting a band?

 **Akira:** We're trying to add people to the band

 **Akira:** It's not going well

 **Akira:** We have literally every instrument but the drums

 **Caroline:** I CAN PLAY THE HARP

 **Akira:** So we have a pianist and harpist

 **Akira:** Harp player

 **Akira:** Harper

 **Makoto:** Harpist was correct.

 **Akira:** But still no drummist

**> Kasumi Yoshizawa joined the group.**

**Akira:** KASUMI

 **Akira:** PLEASE TELL ME YOU CAN PLAY THE DRUMS

 **Kasumi:** I can't, Senpai! **❤️**

 **Kasumi:** I played the flute for a bit before taking up gymnastics full time, if that's of any use! ❤️

 **Akira:** Please join my band as a flute tooter

 **Makoto:** A flautist.

 **Kasumi:** Okay, Senpai! ❤️

 **Kasumi:** Who else is in the band? ❤️

 **Akira:** Me, Ryuji, Ann, Shiho, Mishima, Maruki, Akechi-kun, Hifumi, Caroline, Justine

 **Kasumi:** Hi, Maruki-Senpai! ❤️

 **Maruki:** Hello, Yoshizawa-san!

 **Hifumi:** A most eclectic mixture of people.

 **Caroline:** IF IT HELPS THE INMATE WITH HIS REHABILITATION WE WILL ALLOW IT

 **Mishima:** I have no idea what's going on!!

**> Morgana Kurusu joined the group.**

**Morgana:** jsndvvvvvvvvvvvv

 **Akira:** Morgana can play the catsophone

 **Yusuke:** That was a bad joke, Akira.

 **Akira:** :(

 **Yusuke:** I am telling you off in Ann and Ryuji's absence.

 **Akira:** That cuts deep Yusuke

 **Makoto:** Is Morgana a cat?!

 **Akira:** I can't answer that without my lawyer present

 **Morgana:** ......................

 **Akira:** Ouch

 **Kasumi:** That was a pretty bad joke, Senpai. ❤️

 **Akira:** I didn't come here for you all to rate my jokes

 **Akira:** I came here to get yelled at by Niijima-san for starting a band without acquiring a band permit

**> Ryuji sent a photo.**

**Ryuji:** bro i got so many cinnamon rolls

 **Goro:** We should perhaps implement a rule preventing people from purchasing food items in the double digits.

 **Ryuji:** eff off narc

 **Ryuji:** hows the band comin along bro

 **Akira:** Still no drummer :(

 **Ann:** We'll just like, put Mona on the drums and pray? 😅

 **Shiho:** We can print out some posters looking for a drummer! ^_^

 **Akira:** SMART

 **Akira:** Niijima-san can we put up posters without a permit

 **Makoto:** You don't need a permit to start a band nor put up posters!

 **Goro:** Posters should be submitted to the student council for consideration, though.

 **Makoto:** Don't encourage them!

 **Yusuke:** I feel our band is missing a harmonica.

 **Ann:** KSJDFK WHY

 **Hifumi:** No, I quite agree.

 **Akira:** Wait

 **Akira:** Yusuke what can you play

 **Yusuke:** I have some level of skill with the bass guitar.

 **Akira:** Okay but we have Maruki on bass

 **Goro:** Is is not a violation of ethics to start a band with your therapist?

 **Akira:** Okay Maruki is fired from giving me therapy

 **Maruki:** I don't think I'd recommend that!

 **Akira:** Okay then I'm leaving the band

 **Akira:** Yusuke you're on vocals now

 **Yusuke:** I will endeavour to fill the role as best I can.

 **Ryuji:** CAN YUSK SING

 **Ann:** We'll like, find out at band practice?

 **Akira:** Mishima can you get the volleyball team on backing vocals

 **Mishima:** Like a choir??

 **Shiho:** CHOIR! ^U^

 **Makoto:** Shujin Academy HAS a choir.

 **Kasumi:** It does?!

 **Akira:** Oh

 **Akira:** Then the volleyball team can play the maracas

 **Ann:** SKDJFKSKLF

 **Hifumi:** Maracas would do in place of percussion in a pinch.

 **Yusuke:** What a delightful sounding sentence to read.

 **Hifumi:** Thanks.

 **Akira:** I'm the band manager now

 **Goro:** I believe it may still be a violation of ethics to be associated with your therapist in any form outside of a professional environment.

 **Akira:** But is he my therapist if he's a school-appointed councillor

 **Ann:** I mean like, you wouldn't start a band with your teacher, right~?

 **Maruki:** You kids know I'm still here, right?

 **Akira:** Kawakami can be in the band too

 **Akira:** @ _Makoto_ Do we have any books about therapist law

 **Makoto:** Therapist law.

 **Akira:** Yeah law about therapists

 **Makoto:** I don't think that's a specialist subset of law.

 **Akira:** If tree law exists so does therapy law

 **Morgana:** zzzzzzzzzzz

 **Mishima:** Class starts in five minutes, Akira!!

 **Akira:** Hang on let me add Kawakami in to see if she can play the drums

 **Makoto:** Kurusu-kun, this is extremely unprofessional of you.

 **Akira:** Sorry Niijima-san

 **Akira:** Can you play drums?

 **Makoto:** I can, actually.

 **Akira:** GREAT MAKOTO'S OUR DRUMMER NOW

 **Makoto:** What?!

* * *

**Not The Phantom Thieves**

**> 8:57am: Akira started a new chat thread.**

**Akira:** GUYS WE HAVE TO START A BAND NOW SO WE DON'T BLOW OUR COVER

* * *

**Makoto Niijima, Akira Kurusu, Ryuji Sakamoto, Ann Takamaki, Yusuke Kitagawa, Yuuki Mishima, S **hiho Suzui, Goro Akechi, Hifumi Togo, Takuto Maruki, Caroline, Justine, Kasumi Yoshizawa, Morgana Kurusu****

****> 8:57am** **

****Ann:**** WELCOME TO THE BAND NIIJIMA-SAN!!! 🎉

 **Makoto:** I haven't agreed to this!

 **Ryuji:** dont be a narc

 **Makoto:** Stop calling me a narc!

 **Yusuke:** It seems that our search for a drummer may finally be over.

 **Mishima:** Class in 1 minute!!

 **Mishima:** Oh, wait, Akira found a drummer!!

 **Akira:** Sure did sweetcheeks

 **Ann:** KLSDJLFKS

 **Shiho:** O_o

 **Ryuji:** bro

 **Akira:** I mean

 **Akira:** I love you all be good in class

 **Akira:** Except for Maruki who I love only in a professional and ethical context?

 **Goro:** Go to class before I give you all detention.

 **Maruki:** Does that include me?

 **Goro:** All of you.

 **Goro:** Including cats and probation officers.

 **Akira:** Alright alright

 **Akira:** I'll message you all for band practice later

**> The chat thread was closed.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's so short. Brain Fog(TM) got me bad.


	8. I just think baristas are neat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Akira:** I was wondering if I could ask you something
> 
>  **Goro:** No.
> 
>  **Akira:** Okay!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter leads on from the last one so go read that if you haven't! Although if you're reading the chapters out of order, I have questions.
> 
> Short chapter to get me back into the swing of things.

**Not The Phantom Thieves**

**> 8:57am**

**Ryuji:** bro

 **Ryuji:** r we really gonna start a band

 **Akira:** Yeah why not

 **Akira:** I'll add all our new band members to this group chat

 **Ann:** DJKJDHFJKSF AKIRA NO

 **Yusuke:** I must say that that would be most unwise of you.

 **Akira:** Why

 **Akira:** Our chat name quite clearly says NOT the Phantom Thieves

 **Ann:** AKIRA 😭😭😭

 **Akira:** Fine fine

 **Akira:** We need to recruit a person who has a functioning brain

 **Ann:** KSJDFLKSD I'M RIGHT HERE

 **Ryuji:** we litrly watched u nd yusk compete 2 see who could drink the most syrup

 **Ann:** And I would do it again 😤

 **Yusuke:** I must agree with Akira though, it would be wise for us to find a friend who could fulfil a parental role in the group.

 **Ryuji:** wat

 **Ann:** He's saying we should get a mom/dad friend

 **Ryuji:** ohhhh

 **Akira:** We do need someone who can tell us when we're being idiots

 **Ann:** Oooh, maybe someone who'll help us plan heists~?

 **Ryuji:** SMART

 **Akira:** ANN FOR PARENT FRIEND

 **Ryuji:** REMEMBER THE SYRUP BRO

 **Akira:** NEVER MIND

 **Akira:** Let's just invite Makoto, she's smart

 **Ryuji:** shes literly a narc bro

 **Yusuke:** She is our drummer, though.

 **Ryuji:** NARC

 **Akira:** Fine fine

 **Akira:** How about Akechi

 **Ryuji:** THE UBER NARC BRO

 **Ryuji:** startin 2 think u got a thing 4 narcs

 **Akira:** WHAT

 **Ann:** Maybe Akira's a narc? 🤔

 **Akira:** ET TU BRUTE

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**Not The Phantom Thieves**

**> 2:35pm: Ann started a new chat thread.**

**Ann:** Are we all ready for tonight~?

 **Yusuke:** Yes.

 **Ryuji:** always ready bro

 **Akira:** I am this close to falling asleep on my textbook

 **Ann:** Is that, like, a yes?

 **Akira:** Hell yeah

 **Ann:** Okay!

 **Ann:** So we'll run through the plans now to prove I am totally a parent friend~ 😠

 **Ann:** Sooooo

 **Ann:** Yusuke will give Madarame the card tomorrow morning and like, say it just showed up in the letterbox?

 **Ann:** While Ryuji and Akira, you two go plaster the other cards all around the gallery~!

 **Ryuji:** got it

 **Ryuji:** be gay nd do crime

 **Akira:** The two things we excel at

 **Ann:** While tonight we'll meet at Leblanc after Akira escapes detention to run through the heist plans and work on the card~!

 **Yusuke:** I will make it a masterpiece.

 **Akira:** We know you will

 **Ryuji:** our good art bro

 **Akira:** Sports bro, art bro, transfer student bro, Ann bro

 **Ann:** Ann bro 😑

 **Akira:** Twintails bro

 **Ann:** Better~! 💖

 **Yusuke:** Please forgive me for asking so many times, but are we definitely to remain friends after this heist?

 **Ryuji:** YEA YUSK UR ONE OF US NOW

 **Ann:** Plus there'll always be other shitty adults for us to take down as a team~!

 **Ann:** WE ALSO LOVE YOU FOR NON PHANTOM THIEF RELATED THINGS THOUGH SKJFSFKJKF

 **Akira:** Yeah like if the Phantom Thieves disbanded I'd just take you home with me

 **Yusuke:** Thank you, my friends.

 **Yusuke:** I apologise.

 **Yusuke:** Madarame did not allow me to maintain friendships with my schoolmates, aside from Hifumi.

 **Yusuke:** Although in hindsight that was due to Hifumi having ties to influential names in the shogi world.

 **Yusuke:** It is nice to feel like I truly belong.

 **Ryuji:** yusk ur gonna make me cry bro

 **Ann:** ALREADY THERE 😭😭😭

 **Akira:** Yusuke

 **Akira:** Marry me

 **Yusuke:** Oh?!

 **Akira:** I want to keep you by my side forever

 **Yusuke:** Akira...

 **Yusuke:** How incredibly romantic of you...

 **Ryuji:** NO BRO MARRY ME

 **Ryuji:** IM COOLER

 **Yusuke:** Ryuji too?!

 **Ann:** JKDSFK I'M ALSO THROWING MY HAT IN THE RING

 **Ann:** YUSUKE MARRY ME!!!!!!

 **Yusuke:** And even Ann?!

 **Yusuke:** My friends...

 **Yusuke:** I will gladly marry each and every one of you.

 **Akira:** Yusuke is our collective boyfriend now

 **Yusuke:** Yes.

 **Ryuji:** well this days goin better already

 **Ryuji:** got 2 bfs nd a gf

 **Ryuji:** im a happy dude

 **Ann:** And I have a girlfriend and three boyfriends! 🥰

 **Yusuke:** And I have acquired my closest friends as my lovers.

 **Ryuji:** wait wat

 **Ann:** I think he means lovers in the poetic sense 😂

 **Akira:** Does that mean I get to wear a toga and recline all day?

 **Ann:** You and I have very different views on what a 'poetic lover' is 🤔

 **Akira:** I'm not hearing a no

 **Ryuji:** aw bro do we get 2 eat grapes nd shit

 **Akira:** I'm not eating shit

 **Ryuji:** U KNOW WHAT I MEANT BRO

 **Akira:** I KNOW NOTHING

 **Ryuji:** U KNOW A LOT OF THINGS BRO

 **Yusuke:** You do indeed know many things.

 **Akira:** I know like maybe five things

 **Ann:** You definitely know at LEAST six!

 **Akira:** I know that the bell's about to ring and that I have a hot date with everyone's favourite narc

 **Ryuji:** bro

 **Ryuji:** u tryn 2 say akechis our fave narc

 **Ann:** Makoto is RIGHT there 😒

 **Ryuji:** U AINT MEANT 2 HAVE A FAVE

 **Ann:** HOW COME AKIRA GETS A FAVE THEN?!

 **Ryuji:** HES TEASIN US

 **Akira:** No no I'm giving Akechi a "favourite narc" award

 **Yusuke:** I am on Akira's side here.

 **Ryuji:** UR ALL TRAITORS

 **Ann:** Should we go out for cake while Akira's in detention~? 🍰

 **Ryuji:** akiras the only traitor

 **Akira:** It's not my fault I'm so sexy that Akechi had to give me detention

 **Ann:** 😑

 **Yusuke:** I am finding it hard to believe that.

 **Akira:** 💔💔💔

 **Akira:** My heart is broken

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**Goro Akechi**

**> 11:30am**

**> Goro made a move in Cup Pong!**

**Goro:** Kurusu-kun, I regret to inform you that this afternoon's detention session will be our last together.

 **Akira:** 💔💔💔💔💔💔💔

 **Akira:** You're breaking my heart Goro

 **Akira:** On this

 **Akira:** The day of my cat's wedding

 **Goro:** Please stop being dramatic.

 **Akira:** Never

 **Goro:** Maruki-kun has agreed to take over the rest of your detention sessions in the form of counselling sessions.

 **Akira:** Oh

 **Akira:** I'll miss our games of chess where you had no idea what was going on

 **Goro:** Excuse me?

 **Akira:** I bought and read a chess manual and it's clear you're just making it up as you go along

 **Goro:** ...

 **Goro:** That may be true.

 **Akira:** I KNEW IT

 **Goro:** Although I am more impressed by you willingly reading something.

 **Akira:** Awwww

 **Goro:** You would make an excellent detective, Kurusu-kun.

 **Goro:** Perhaps one day we could work alongside each other.

 **Akira:** Nah I'm going to be a barista until I die

 **Goro:** Do you... not have aspirations?

 **Akira:** Being a barista IS my aspiration

 **Akira:** I'm sorry it's not all hoity toity ooh I'm gonna be the head of Japan

 **Akira:** I also have my criminal record holding me back

 **Goro:** Are you implying that a barista is the highest job role a criminal can aspire to occupy?

 **Akira:** No

 **Akira:** Highest job role a criminal can aspire to is easily jewel thief

 **Akira:** I just think baristas are neat

 **Goro:** You are a remarkable individual.

 **Goro:** Anyway, your detention today will be a little different to usual.

 **Akira:** Lay it on me daddy-o

 **Goro:** Never call me that again.

 **Akira:** No promises

 **Goro:** We will be heading to the Madarame exhibit.

 **Goro:** As you are friends with Kitagawa-kun, I assume you are aware of the exhibit?

 **Akira:** Yeah Yusuke's been all "paints and stuff"

 **Goro:** I should perhaps not be telling you this, but Madarame reportedly received a calling card this morning from the so-called 'Phantom Thieves'.

 **Goro:** I have been hired to investigate the affair and I will be taking you with me.

 **Akira:** Ooh it's a date

 **Goro:** It is an investigation.

 **Akira:** Potato potato

 **Goro:** Please do not embarrass me.

 **Akira:** Absolutely no promises

 **Akira:** Hey Goro

 **Goro:** Yes?

 **Akira:** Seeing as tonight is our last date

 **Goro:** Detention.

 **Akira:** Tomato tomato

 **Akira:** I was wondering if I could ask you something

 **Goro:** No.

 **Akira:** Okay!

**> 1:45pm**

**Goro:** You have piqued my curiosity. You may ask.

 **Akira:** Well

 **Akira:** I can never tell if you're being responsive to my flirtations so here's an open invite to be my boyfriend

 **Goro:** I was under the impression you already had two boyfriends.

 **Akira:** Three actually

 **Akira:** And a girlfriend

 **Akira:** Actually I might have two girlfriends, I need to double check with Shiho

 **Goro:** I believe that the student council president being involved romantically with the transfer student, who also happens to be a known troublemaker with a criminal record, would only cause problems.

 **Akira:** So that's a no?

 **Goro:** It's a yes.

 **Goro:** On the condition that you tell nobody.

 **Akira:** I'M THE STUDENT COUNCIL PRESIDENT'S DIRTY LITTLE SECRET

 **Goro:** Please keep that to yourself.

 **Akira:** Some promises

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**Makoto Niijima, Akira Kurusu, Ryuji Sakamoto, Ann Takamaki, Yusuke Kitagawa, Yuuki Mishima, S **hiho Suzui, Goro Akechi, Hifumi Togo, Takuto Maruki, Caroline, Justine, Kasumi Yoshizawa, Morgana Kurusu****

****> 2:56pm: ** ** ****Akira started a new chat thread.** **

****Akira:**** Guys it's been a great almost 48 hours but I'm breaking the band up to go solo


	9. Pha-nuh-tomb Thigh-ev-ees

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Akira:** Please bury me with Morgana
> 
>  **Ryuji:** u got it bro
> 
>  **Ann:** DSLKJFSLD
> 
>  **Ann:** WHAT IF HE'S NOT DEAD
> 
>  **Akira:** That's his personal problem

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you notice any random keysmashes (that aren't from Ann) or numbers, it's because my cat sat on the keyboard.
> 
> Note for this chapter: emetophobia warning towards the end! Nothing graphic, just the mention of vomit a bunch of times. It doesn't advance the plot so, if you want to skip it, stop reading after " **Akira:** Mishima, Ann, you two disappear at lunch".

**Makoto Niijima, Akira Kurusu, Ryuji Sakamoto, Ann Takamaki, Yusuke Kitagawa, Yuuki Mishima, S **hiho Suzui, Goro Akechi, Hifumi Togo, Takuto Maruki, Caroline, Justine, Kasumi Yoshizawa, Morgana Kurusu****

****> 2:58pm** **

**Hifumi:** A shame. I felt as though we had promise.

 **Ann:** I gotta agree 🤷🏼♀️

 **Goro:** I still have several ethical problems with Akira being in a band with his assigned therapist.

 **Akira:** Hang on

 **Akira:** Didn't I already quit the band to become the manager to circumvent that issue

 **Goro:** Ah, checkmate.

 **Akira:** Either way I'm cutting us loose so I can go solo

 **Goro:** You understand that, as our manager, all that you leaving does is allow us to sign up under new management?

 **Hifumi:** I actually have scheduling issues with band practice and shogi practice.

 **Hifumi:** As such, I am resigning from my position.

 **Akira:** Join my solo project

 **Hifumi:** No.

 **Akira:** I tried

 **Ann:** jskdfksjf Akira don't you like, have detention?

 **Akira:** Goro and I are on our way there

 **Ryuji:** bro u dont let kidnappers take u 2 a secondary location

 **Ryuji:** thats how they get ya

 **Yusuke:** I would assume they already 'got' you when you were kidnapped.

 **Ryuji:** yea but this is like how they getcha get ya

 **Ann:** KJDSFKD I DON'T THINK THAT'S HOW IT WORKS

 **Goro:** Yes, I must agree with Kitagawa-kun here.

 **Yusuke:** Thank you, Akechi-kun.

 **Goro:** You are welcome.

 **Ryuji:** aight fuckers

 **Ryuji:** its like if u dont get taken 2 a secondary location then ur like more likely 2 survive

 **Ann:** BUT YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN KIDNAPPED

 **Hifumi:** No, I see Ryuji's logic.

 **Ryuji:** aw sweet she called me ryuji

 **Hifumi:** I have no idea what your second name is.

 **Ryuji:** aw

 **Mishima:** Who's been kidnapped??

 **Akira:** Goro's taking me to a secondary location

 **Mishima:** What!!

 **Mishima:** I don't think the student council president would do that!!

 **Akira:** He has a hidden evil streak

 **Goro:** Kurusu-kun is a liar, naturally.

 **Akira:** I'm dropping bits of bread to form a breadcrumb trail for you guys to find me

 **Akira:** Please bury me with Morgana

 **Ryuji:** u got it bro

 **Ann:** DSLKJFSLD

 **Ann:** WHAT IF HE'S NOT DEAD

 **Akira:** That's his personal problem

 **Akira:** Anyway I gotta go, good luck everyone

 **Mishima:** With what??

 **Akira:** Yes

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**Not The Phantom Thieves**

**> 9:23pm: Ann started a new chat thread.**

**Ann:** WE DID IT JSKHDFSKJDF

 **Ryuji:** fuck madarame tho

 **Ryuji:** bastard

 **Akira:** This is why we should take folding chairs into the Metaverse

 **Yusuke:** I am glad we were able to change his heart.

 **Yusuke:** Thank you, my friends.

 **Akira:** Anything for our hot boyfriend

 **Ryuji:** yea bro were bros now

 **Ryuji:** brofriends

 **Ann:** So now we just wait and hope it happens~?

 **Akira:** Well that's what we did with Kamoshida and it turned out pretty well

 **Akira:** @ _Yusuke_ are you still planning on moving into my room?

 **Yusuke:** I will remain with Madarame until we are sure his heart has been changed.

 **Yusuke:** Then I will join you.

 **Akira:** Alright I should probably vacuum or something

 **Akira:** Everything you own will be covered in Morgana hair within five minutes

 **Yusuke:** Ah, a beautiful metaphor for the imprint that people's presence can leave upon our hearts.

 **Akira:** No, he's just a furry bastard

 **Ann:** ANYWAY

 **Ann:** You know what we should do now~? 😉

 **Ryuji:** party

 **Ann:** PARTY!!!!!!!!!!!

 **Akira:** I think we should let Yusuke choose where we go

 **Yusuke:** Oh?

 **Ann:** sjdkfskjdf

 **Ann:** Whenever we successfully steal a heart, we go out to eat~!

 **Ryuji:** weve only done it 1nce and its already tradition

 **Akira:** 1nce

 **Ryuji:** shuddup

 **Yusuke:** Ah.

 **Yusuke:** Perhaps sushi?

 **Ryuji:** cmon man u can pick anythin

 **Ryuji:** nd wed always take u for sushi

 **Ann:** What would you like, REALLY want to eat, Yusuke~?

 **Yusuke:** I have occasionally wondered what human would taste like.

 **Ann:** SUSHI IT IS

 **Akira:** Obviously we're not selling Madarame's treasure so I'll cover the dinner date

 **Ann:** Oh yeah~!

 **Ann:** What's the plan for the Sayuri?

 **Yusuke:** I am unsure at the moment.

 **Yusuke:** I have entrusted it to Ryuji to take care of it while I remain with Madarame.

 **Ryuji:** its safe in my room bro

 **Ann:** I know Ryuji and that means the Sayuri is on fire 😑

 **Ryuji:** hey!!!!

**> Ryuji sent a photo.**

**Yusuke:** Ah, two beautiful works of art together.

 **Ryuji:** wat

 **Akira:** He's saying you're a work of art

 **Ryuji:** aw man ur gonna make me blush

 **Ann:** GOOD

 **Ann:** WE LOVE BLUSHY RYUJI~!!!!! 🥰

* * *

**Goro Akechi**

**> 9:31pm: Akira started a new chat thread.**

**Akira:** You closing the chat thread last time has wiped our Cup Pong scores 💔

* * *

**Not The Phantom Thieves**

**> 9:31pm**

**Yusuke:** So all we do now is wait?

 **Ann:** Yep~!

 **Ryuji:** we usually do lil missions in mementos 2 pass the time

 **Ryuji:** helpin out one shadow at a time

 **Akira:** Ooh that reminds me

**> **Yuuki Mishima** joined the group.**

**Akira:** We should have our head of operations in here

 **Mishima:** Hello!!

 **Ann:** HIIIIIII MISHIMA~ 💖

 **Ryuji:** hey bro

 **Yusuke:** It is nice to talk to you outside of the context of one of Akira's many schemes.

 **Akira:** I was serious about the band!

 **Mishima:** Were you really??

 **Akira:** Nah I'm just trying to keep Makoto and Akechi off our backs

 **Akira:** Akechi dragged me along to the Madarame exhibit to day to investigate

 **Ann:** You didn't like, tell him anything, did you?!

 **Akira:** I may be a narc lover but I am not a narc

 **Ryuji:** sounds sus bro

 **Akira:** Actually I kept mispronouncing Phantom Thieves to piss him off

 **Yusuke:** How does one mispronounce 'Phantom Thieves'?

 **Akira:** Pha-nuh-tomb Thigh-ev-ees

 **Mishima:** Akira!!

 **Akira:** Mishima!!

 **Ann:** That IS pretty funny though skjdfksf

 **Ryuji:** i can see akechis face nd its hilarious

 **Akira:** He turned a shade of red I've never seen before

 **Akira:** Like somewhere between tomato and blood

 **Ann:** KDSKJFSKDF

 **Ann:** HE PROBABLY POPPED A VEIN OMG

 **Yusuke:** I am having a hearty chuckle thinking about it.

 **Ryuji:** all we keep gotta doin is bein non suspcicisous nd keepin the narcs away

 **Mishima:** Oh!!

**> Mishima sent a link.**

**Mishima:** Here's a link to an encrypted document featuring all the Phan Site requests!!

 **Ann:** JKSDKJFSD IT'S SO ORGANISED

 **Yusuke:** The colour-coding...

 **Yusuke:** Mishima-kun, this is a work of art.

 **Ryuji:** bro

 **Ryuji:** u made this 4 us?????

 **Mishima:** It's no worry!!

 **Akira:** You are beautiful and I'm gonna kiss you and your big brain on the face

 **Mishima:** Haha thank you!!

 **Akira:** Also Morgana is telling me to go to bed so I'll talk to you all tomorrow

 **Akira:** Love yooooooouuuuuu

 **Akira:** Good work today

 **Ann:** Goodnight everyone~! 💖

 **Ryuji:** gnite bros nd mish

 **Yusuke:** Goodnight, all.

 **Yusuke:** Thank you.

 **Mishima:** Sleep well!

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**Goro Akechi**

**> 7:00am**

**Goro:** Oh no. I am heartbroken.

 **Goro:** Truly, I weep over the loss of our Cup Pong scores.

 **Goro:** I am unsure how I will survive.

**> 8:14am**

**Akira:** You're just mad because I was winning

 **Goro:** No, I truly do despair over our lost games.

 **Goro:** My heart is breaking, Kurusu-kun.

 **Akira:** Suuuuure

**> Akira invited Goro to play Cup Pong!**

**> Goro made a move in Cup Pong!**

**> Akira made a move in Cup Pong!**

**> Akira is in the lead!**

**Akira:** You need to concede that I am the Cup Pong champion, Goro

**> Goro made a move in Cup Pong!**

**Goro:** I will fight until my last breath.

* * *

**Not The Phantom Thieves**

**> 9:03am: Ryuji started a new chat thread.**

**Ryuji:** hey yusk u aint in class 2day

 **Yusuke:** Yes, I apologise.

 **Yusuke:** Madarame has locked himself in his room.

 **Yusuke:** I am having to deal with sorting his affairs and fielding questions.

 **Ryuji:** that fuckin sucks

 **Ryuji:** u want a hand?

 **Yusuke:** If you could spare one, I would gladly accept.

 **Ryuji:** omw bro

 **Akira:** I'm coming too

 **Ann:** AND ME~!

 **Mishima:** I can also lend a hand!!

 **Yusuke:** Ah, aren't we all meant to be in class?

 **Ryuji:** ive left on a toilet break nd i aint comin back

 **Ann:** KJSDFKSD

 **Ann:** Ryuji, you go help Yusuke, we'll come join at lunch~!

 **Ann:** To make it less suspicious 🤫

 **Yusuke:** A sound plan.

 **Mishima:** I think it might be fairly suspicious if three of us disappear from class at once??

 **Ann:** ................

 **Ann:** You've got a point 😭

 **Akira:** Hang on I've got it

 **Akira:** Mishima, Ann, you two disappear at lunch

 **Mishima:** Okay!!

 **Mishima:** Why us??

 **Akira:** I'll flutter my eyelashes at Kawakami and tell her that Ann took you home after you projectile vomited everywhere

 **Ann:** KSJDLSDKFSDF

 **Ann:** Uh, wouldn't that like, involve a lot of vomit?

 **Akira:** I've been preparing for this moment all my life

 **Ann:** JHSDFKJSD NO!!!!!!

 **Mishima:** Please no!!

 **Yusuke:** I am intrigued.

 **Ryuji:** bro if u can hurgle on demand y dont u just dip at lunch w/ ann or mish

 **Akira:** Why don't I just vomit right now

 **Ann:** PLEASE DON'T I WASHED MY HAIR THIS MORNING SKLDFJSKLDFJK

 **Yusuke:** Akira, if you were to vomit on Ann, then Mishima could escort you both out the classroom and off school grounds.

 **Ryuji:** hes smart

 **Ann:** I DO NOT AGREE WITH THIS PLAN!!!!!!!!!!

 **Akira:** Do I really want to be known as the transfer student with the criminal record who hurgles on his classmates

 **Ryuji:** is it any worse than bein the transfer student w/ a criminal record bro

 **Akira:** Yeah I don't want to be the weird kid who hurgles on his classmates

 **Ann:** I think I'm gonna throw up if we keep talking about this 🤢

 **Ryuji:** good

 **Yusuke:** Please channel that energy towards Akira.

 **Mishima:** I'm no expert but I think we should find a better plan!!

 **Akira:** All in favour of just leaving the school at lunchtime say aye

 **Ann:** AYE. PLEASE.

 **Mishima:** Aye!!

 **Ryuji:** im already on my way 2 yusks

 **Yusuke:** I aye-pprove of this plan.

 **Akira:** ...

 **Ann:** ...

 **Ryuji:** dude

 **Mishima:** I thought it was funny!!

**> The chat thread was closed.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Akira: hey guys we need a parent friend  
> also Akira: HEY CHECK OUT HOW HARD I CAN HURGLE


	10. Come on Barbie, let's go party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Akira:** Also Mishima you started this, you've gotta finish it
> 
>  **Mishima:** I JUST WANTED TO KNOW WHAT MEMENTOS WAS!!
> 
>  **Yusuke:** Sometimes they let me drive Morgana.
> 
>  **Mishima:** I'M SIGNING OFF FOR THE NIGHT!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> seasons greasons. just a short chapter as an early Christmas present.

**Not The Phantom Thieves**

**> 6:05pm: Ryuji started a new chat thread.**

**Ryuji:** well thats madarame sorted

 **Ryuji:** who we goin after nxt

 **Mishima:** I've heard rumours of a playboy who dates girls and breaks their hearts??

 **Ann:** skljdfks uuughghhgghghhgh

 **Akira:** Mood

 **Akira:** Also good job with Madarame, gang

 **Ann:** Anything for Yusk~! 💖

 **Ryuji:** is he all moved into urs now

 **Akira:** He's napping on the floor

 **Ryuji:** bro at least give him a bed

 **Akira:** No

 **Akira:** Also okay

 **Ann:** Did Sojiro like, say anything?

 **Akira:** He didn't really have time between me saying "this is Yusuke, he lives here now" and me yeeting Yusuke up the stairs at the speed of light

 **Ryuji:** bro

 **Ann:** KJDSFKSDFK

 **Mishima:** You're a good person, Akira!!

 **Akira:** Yes, compliment me more

 **Akira:** I grow stronger with each passing word

 **Ryuji:** oi

 **Ryuji:** the rest of us helped!!!!!

 **Mishima:** You're all good people!!

 **Ryuji:** more like it

 **Ann:** Soooo when do we go out to celebrate~?

 **Akira:** I think Yusuke should choose

 **Ryuji:** agreed

 **Ann:** And should we like, maybe take a break for a week or so?

 **Ann:** We can clear out some Mishima Mementos Missions! 🏆

 **Mishima:** I've updated the spreadsheet with some more!!

 **Mishima:** Sorry I can't do much more 😓😓

 **Ann:** KDJFSKJD MISHIMA

 **Ann:** You are doing like, more than enough!

 **Ryuji:** yea bro ur helpin real good

 **Ryuji:** otherwise itd just be us drivin mona round mementos like

 **Ryuji:** i sure fuckin hope theres a bad person hangin out here

 **Mishima:** You guys still haven't actually explained to me what Mementos is......

 **Morgana:** fffffffff

 **Ryuji:** imagine like a train station bro

 **Mishima:** Okay!!

 **Ryuji:** now imagine the train station is alive nd made out of skin nd shit

 **Mishima:** Oh.

 **Ann:** KJSDJKFS RYUJI

 **Ryuji:** WAT

 **Ann:** WHY WOULD YOU DESCRIBE IT LIKE THAT

 **Ryuji:** I AINT WRONG

 **Ann:** Don't listen to him, Mishima-kun!

 **Ann:** Mementos is like, an underground train station that reflects how the public's feeling?

 **Ryuji:** thats what i said

 **Ann:** NO IT ISN'T!!!!!!!!!!

 **Mishima:** I'm no closer to understanding what's going on here......

 **Yusuke:** I believe that 'Mementos' is a physical manifestation of the general public's cognition and desires.

 **Ryuji:** THATS WHAT I SAID

 **Ann:** Yusuke's awake!!!! ❤️💗💓💕💖💛💙💜💚

 **Yusuke:** It takes the form of the Tokyo subway system but it changes based on the weather, how the public feel, and other things.

 **Mishima:** That makes more sense??

 **Ryuji:** yeah its alive nd shit nd if u drive mona into a wall he bounces off

 **Mishima:** Wait what

 **Mishima:** You drive your cat?

 **Ann:** It's fiiiiine, he can turn into a van~!

 **Mishima:** Hmm.

 **Mishima:** Maybe I don't have what it takes to be a Phantom Thief......

 **Akira:** Nonsense, you're our honorary favourite Phantom Thief

 **Ryuji:** he looks like a real van nd shit

 **Ryuji:** not like a real furry bus or anythin

 **Akira:** Also Yusuke, Boss wants to know if you want anything to eat

 **Ann:** FURRY BUS

 **Mishima:** Like the cat bus from My Neighbour Totoro?

 **Ryuji:** aw

 **Ryuji:** thatd be rad

 **Ryuji:** we gotta show mona that movie

 **Ann:** I am NOT riding around Mementos in a giant stretchy Morgana!!!! 😖

 **Yusuke:** I would greatly appreciate some curry, if Boss is offering.

 **Ryuji:** yea but itd be way more fun than tryna drive a van

 **Ann:** NO!!!!!!!

 **Mishima:** I don't know what argument I started, but can I end it??

 **Akira:** One plate of curry coming up for my favourite artist

 **Akira:** Also Mishima you started this, you've gotta finish it

 **Mishima:** I JUST WANTED TO KNOW WHAT MEMENTOS WAS!!

 **Yusuke:** Sometimes they let me drive Morgana.

 **Mishima:** I'M SIGNING OFF FOR THE NIGHT!!

 **Ryuji:** gnight bro

 **Ann:** Goodnight Mishima~! 💤

 **Akira:** Ten minute ETA on that curry, Yusuke

 **Yusuke:** I will head downstairs shortly.

 **Yusuke:** Thank you, my friends.

 **Akira:** It's just curry

 **Yusuke:** I meant for helping me out with Madarame.

 **Ann:** SJDKHFJ

 **Ann:** Yusuke we literally love you so much 😭💖

 **Ryuji:** yea bro wed take a bullet for you

 **Ann:** JSDFJKS MAYBE NOT THAT MUCH

 **Akira:** No no we've committed now

 **Akira:** We have to permanently form a V formation around Yusuke in case he gets shot

 **Yusuke:** Wouldn't a V-formation leave my front open to gunfire?

 **Ryuji:** just tie mona 2 a stick

 **Akira:** Your reflexes would have to be pretty good though

 **Ryuji:** mona bulletproof vest

 **Ann:** I don't like, think Mona is immune to gunfire?

 **Akira:** I mean bullets don't really hurt us in the Metaverse

 **Ryuji:** yea they do bro

 **Ryuji:** they sting like fuck

 **Akira:** Language

 **Ann:** He's got a point, though.

 **Ryuji:** who does

 **Ann:** Akira

 **Ryuji:** aw

 **Ann:** Like, bullets give us cognitive wounds, but don't actually hurt or kill us in real life~?

 **Yusuke:** What if one were to take a functioning gun into the Metaverse?

 **Ryuji:** whered we get a gun from tho

 **Akira:** Give me 12 hours

 **Ann:** NO GUNS IN THE METAVERSE!!!!!!

 **Akira:** :(

 **Yusuke:** I do see Akira's point, though.

 **Yusuke:** If I were to be ambushed while in the Metaverse, Morgana would most likely function perfectly as a bulletproof vest.

 **Ryuji:** if u can be a van u can be a bulletproof vest

 **Akira:** Multipurpose Mona

 **Ann:** KLJSDFKSJDF

 **Ann:** "Aw, I could really do with a drink~"

 **Ann:** VENDING MACHINE MONA!

 **Ryuji:** what r the drinks made out of

 **Ann:** I didn't think that far ahead 😳

 **Akira:** Great, now I'm thinking about Mona's cat milk

 **Yusuke:** Surely Morgana cannot produce cat milk, given that he is a boy cat?

 **Ann:** He's also like, not a cat?

 **Ryuji:** if u can be a van u can make cat milk

 **Akira:** I don't think we should let Ryuji write the rules for reality

 **Ryuji:** no bro id kick ass

 **Yusuke:** We could always attempt to milk Morgana when next in the Metaverse.

 **Ryuji:** NO

 **Akira:** NO

 **Ann:** NOOOOOO WTF

 **Yusuke:** I see.

 **Yusuke:** Akira, is the curry ready yet?

 **Akira:** I'm just adding the cat milk xoxo

 **Ann:** LKJDSLKFSD I HATE YOU ALL

 **Ann:** (I love you pls don't take that seriously 🥺)

 **Yusuke:** But Morgana is upstairs with me...

 **Akira:** Oh Yusuke

 **Akira:** Nya~

 **Akira:** ;)

 **Ann:** I AM THROWING MY PHONE IN THE INOKASHIRA PARK LAKE

 **Ryuji:** thats pretty cringe bro

 **Yusuke:** Ah, I see Akira has begun to embrace his catboysona.

 **Ann:** GOODNIGHT EVERYONE

 **Ryuji:** its not even 7 why are ppl goin 2 bed

 **Akira:** You know what they say

 **Akira:** Early night

 **Akira:** Strong legs

 **Ryuji:** no

 **Yusuke:** No.

 **Akira:** Yes

 **Akira:** Also curry's ready

 **Yusuke:** Thank you.

 **Yusuke:** I will be down shortly.

 **Ryuji:** well if u two are havin food nd ann nd mishima r out im gonna go watch tv

 **Ryuji:** love u bros

 **Yusuke:** We love you too, Ryuji.

 **Akira:** Love yooouuuu 🖤

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**Goro Akechi**

**> 1:04am**

**> Akira made a move in Cup Pong!**

**Goro:** What on earth are you doing awake at this hour, Kurusu-kun?

 **Akira:** Playing Cup Pong

 **Akira:** What else does it look like

 **Goro:** You know perfectly well that isn't what I was referring to.

 **Akira:** Well

 **Akira:** I was having a great dream where my dearest boyfriend and sweet love Goro Akechi was all like

 **Akira:** "Oh, Akira, I love you so much, I won't even report you for continuing to shake the vending machines in the lobby~"

 **Goro:** Are you still shaking them?

 **Akira:** And then I woke up with a strong urge to play Cup Pong

 **Akira:** Also that depends on who's asking

 **Goro:** I am.

 **Akira:** No, I have given up my shaking vending machine ways

 **Goro:** Somehow I doubt this.

**> Goro made a move in Cup Pong!**

**Akira:** Which bit

 **Goro:** All of it.

 **Akira:** Fine

 **Goro:** Is that all?

 **Akira:** That's your opinion and I respect it

**> Akira made a move in Cup Pong!**

**Goro:** You understand that I'll have to report you to the principal if you continue to shake the vending machines.

 **Akira:** Do it

 **Akira:** Coward

 **Goro:** 🤦🏻‍♂️

 **Goro:** Goodnight, Akira.

 **Akira:** Goodniiiiiight

 **Akira:** Love yooooouuuuu

* * *

**Not The Phantom Thieves**

**> 1:18pm: Ann started a new chat thread.**

**Ann:** RYUJI

 **Ann:** WHY

 **Ann:** WOULD

 **Ann:** YOU

 **Ann:** CALL

 **Ann:** AKIRA

 **Ann:** AND

 **Ann:** YELL

 **Ann:** ABOUT

 **Ann:** BEING

 **Ann:** A

 **Ann:** PHANTOM

 **Ann:** THIEF

 **Ann:** SLKDJFLSDJFLSDKFK

 **Ryuji:** did u not tell makoto i was jokin

 **Ann:** DO YOU THINK SHE LIKE, BELIEVED US?!

 **Ann:** OH MY GODDDDDD

 **Akira:** Not gonna lie, Ryuji

 **Akira:** That wasn't particularly poggers of you

 **Ryuji:** bro :(

 **Yusuke:** Now we have Niijima-san on high alert.

 **Akira:** Should we just solve this the same way we solve all of our other problems?

 **Ann:** Ignoring them?

 **Akira:** No, that's not healthy

 **Akira:** I was gonna say just drag Makoto into the Metaverse and let her become a Phantom Thief

 **Ryuji:** BRO

 **Ryuji:** WE AINT HAVIN NARCS IN THE THIEVES

 **Ryuji:** REMEMBER OUR MOTTO BRO

 **Akira:** Be gay, do crime?

 **Yusuke:** Memento mori.

 **Ann:** Come on Barbie, let's go party?

 **Ryuji:** no but that last one is a banger

 **Ryuji:** no narcs!!!!!!

 **Akira:** Okay that is definitely not our motto

 **Akira:** The sign we put up outside of our HQ maybe

 **Ann:** That motto does kinda suck, Ryuji

 **Yusuke:** The alliteration is strong but it lacks the core essence of a motto.

 **Ryuji:** i didnt come here 2 be bullied

 **Ann:** YES YOU DID

 **Ann:** OH MY GOD WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO ABOUT MAKOTO

 **Yusuke:** Do any of Akira's Personas know any brainwashing moves?

 **Akira:** That's dark

 **Ann:** JLSDKF

 **Akira:** Could work though

 **Ann:** WE ARE NOT BRAINWASHING ANYONE!!!!!!!!!!

 **Ryuji:** y not

 **Ann:** Because that would make us like, the bad guys!!!

 **Yusuke:** One could argue that our forced changes of hearts are on the same level as brainwashing.

 **Akira:** Or

 **Akira:** And consider this

 **Akira:** We can meet up with Makoto once school is over and talk about how Ryuji likes to pretend to be a Phantom Thief

 **Ryuji:** hey!!!!!

 **Yusuke:** Hmmmmmmm.

 **Yusuke:** It could work.

 **Ann:** It's significantly better than BRAINWASHING THE STUDENT COUNCIL PRESIDENT

 **Akira:** That's the backup plan

 **Ann:** NO!!!!!!!!

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**Not The Phantom Thieves**

**> 7:34pm: Akira started a new chat thread.**

**> **Makoto Niijima** joined the group.**

**Akira:** Welcome to the Phantom Thieves!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> everyone have a good holiday season! I'll be posting more before 2021. that's a promise.

**Author's Note:**

> Please free to follow me on Twitter at [@kula3h](https://twitter.com/kula3h) for Persona and FE posting! (no pressure though!)


End file.
